Writing Life Stories — of Living People by Ruth Bonetti

Over decades of writing my heritage trilogy, I wrangled relatives, opening closet doors to skeletons, shotgun weddings and shame on the family. I resisted cranky maiden aunts who threatened legal action if I divulged a century-old illegitimate birth. Black sheep were drafted from white; truths sifted from myths;
‘Change the names and turn it into a novel’ some siblings urged, not trusting me to honour the family.

Magical realism gave me a tool to avoid relatives’ rancour. I wrote conversations with dead relatives, posing questions like ‘Karl Johan, I bet you were in the thick of the Battle of Brisbane?’ No answer but the possibility hangs in the ether. (Don’t you talk with your long departed?)

 

I gave him new life, channelling his own FaceBook page. This long-deceased bachelor author received little encouragement until I gave him credence in his book Burn my Letters and on Soundcloud.

Now, writing stories of living people, I face new challenges. Valued critique groups focus on writing tools like Spot the ‘Show don’t tell.’ With living people it’s ‘dare I show or tell without asking permission? 

 

Recently I’ve been led to write stories of a diverse group of living people: Justen, a Sudanese child soldier, refugee to Australia and now studying for the ministry; my indigenous ‘Bestie’ from Boigu Island in Torres Strait, who was so buoyed to have a short story in Mosaic of Grace that she wants to publish a whole book of her testimonies as well as short stories for children.

My book-in progress Victorious Voices will release stories of three friends including a Neapolitan tenor and Tuija, a Finnish singer who I was led to Estonia to meet. Why Estonia?

 

‘That’s all I have to write about Finland,’ I decided after the third book of my trilogy Midnight Sun to Southern Cross was published. But that shut door left a hole in my heart and head. Until I stumbled onto a documentary called The Singing Revolution. It described how Estonians won freedom from Soviet rule with unique powerful weapons—their singing voices. The three Baltic states endured oppressive regimes under Russia until 1991. They won independence through silent protest and singing! 

At Estonia’s Song and Dance Festival (see my 2025 blog) I bonded with Tuija and discovered we share similar issues, even reaching back to utero. To communicate our murky dark issues sparks triggers.

 

What to reveal in print? What might malcontents use against me? Why reveal chinks in my armour for insensitive prodding? I am blessed with wise counsel, spiritual direction, beta readers and editors to vet words before they’re printed. With a small team of like-minded nonfiction authors meet, some digitally, I meet to pray through far deeper issues than show-don’t-tell. 

 

Digital platforms like FaceTime are invaluable for interviewing distant friends and transcribing in first person viewpoint. Messenger’s green dot alerts when Tuija is awake in Finland. It tempts me to jump in with a searching question, skipping introductory pleasantries. The three dots wave in response while I double guess if I’ve been too abrupt or disturbed her sleep.

 

One luminous full moon I tossed before sleeping. Text pings woke me at 2:30am. Bestie’s mother had just died following the recent death of her younger sister. I rolled over, remembering I had stumbled into a cultural sensitivity by asking about their health and funerals. After wriggling a while I replied with the compassion she then craved. (Next day I reset the ‘do not disturb’ function.) 

At such times how to balance objectivity and sympathy? While I’ve promised to help Bestie edit her stories, my role is to enable and empower her to own her stories. It’s her voice, and she knows culture better than me. When I upgraded my iPad, I donated the old one to her worthy cause and sent videos showing how to record her stories to Notes or Voice Memos using the mic icon. Transcribe, even. 

 

Pitfalls lie in wait when writing of different cultural situations but there’s deep satisfaction in enabling living stories to reach readers.   

 

What stories could you share before they’re lost to dementia or the grave? Do it now!

 

HEAR Ruth Bonetti speak at Koorong on 'Writing Life Stories of Living People'.

WRITING PROMPTS:

·      If I’d known what lay ahead, when I took that first step…

·      The photograph sent prickles down my spine. These were real people!

·      If only I’d shared my story, another life might have been saved.

Ruth loves writing true stories of real people overcoming adversity. She is grateful to her team of prayer supporters (yes, including Tuija in Finland) to overcome the Attack of Tech Gremlins that messed with blog formatting and her head. 

Ruth co-edited a third collection Mosaic of Grace with Anne Hamilton and Rosemary New. Ruth is thrilled by the prolific harvest of published authors since founding Omega Writers in 1991 and co-founding Christian Authors Showcase Queensland. 

Website

Mosaic of Grace

Buy Ruth's books

Midnight Sun to Southern Cross Trilogy

Book Narrations

The Singing Revolution

Critique Survivor

 

October, 2022: I [Barbara McKay] attended my first Omega Writers Conference at Kingscliffe, NSW as a CALEB finalist. At 78 years of age, I was probably the oldest participant, but with 2 Tim. 1:7 ‘God has not given us a spirit of timidity, or cowardice or fear’ uppermost in my mind, I head-butted my fears.

Nola Passmore from the Toowoomba Chapter of Omega Writers (Quirky Quills) drove me to the resort. I pretended to be intelligent in my conversation. After that weekend, I joined the Toowoomba group.

On the 4th Feb, 2023: came the directive: ‘Bring two pages of writing, double-spaced, for those who will critique your work.’

My children’s story (about 500 words) was about rescuing an injured koala. We broke out into small groups, landing me with fellow Chapter members, Adele and Pamela, who took time to read my story. I felt as if I were in a court of law: The judgement of my writing began—with both written and verbal words.  

In feedback, I received comments such as:

‘Show [do] not tell’ 

‘POV – whose point of view?’  

‘Clearer story progression needed’

‘Use strong verbs’ 

I was in a daze as I walked away and spoke to another new writer to the group, about our ‘Crit Session’. For me, writer’s block set in. For two weeks I contemplated ‘Point of View’ when writing. ‘How do I re-write this story?’ I asked myself.

The 17th Feb (two weeks later): Pamela sent a message on the Writing Messenger thread.

‘How are you going with your story, Barb? I can see the picture you painted with you writing. Look forward to reading it again.’ 

Shock set in as I read her words. I responded. 

‘O dear, Pamela, a writer who is taking me seriously! [I feel like] I’m sitting in the Year 6 classroom listening to the teacher explaining “Point of View”. How do I write from the perspective of an 8-year-old? And you, the teacher, will not let me out of the classroom till I do this task?’

Pamela responded:

‘Oh Barbara. I don’t want to see you give up! [A]bsolutely—you can write from an 8-year-old point of view. It could be fun!’  

She added:

‘I rather think we who have been writing a while have developed a kind of rhino hide. And have forgotten how very hard it is to be in the early days, feeling so vulnerable at sharing your work.  You and Donna are so brave.’

Pamela’s words were the stimulus I needed. ‘I’m not scared of these authors,’ I told myself.

I sent a text asking a question about a suitable thesaurus and ‘Point of View’.

Dear Mazzy, who was on Day 1, Post Surgery, responded from her hospital bed with very encouraging words, and personal exhortation.  

In tears, before tackling the re-working of my koala story, I wrote:

Those Omega writers in Toowoomba … giving us a critique of our work, and then having the audacity /courage to check up on me to see if I have rewritten it. 

Maybe, the Holy Spirit is giving me a gift revealing to me that, ‘Yes, I can write’, but also saying, ‘You can improve, and [those] girls are here to help you.  You go girl!’

Maybe, God is saying [to me and all of us who write], ‘Release your uncomfortable, uneasy thoughts to Me, for I am a God full of compassion and love.  Yes, you are overwhelmed and refuse to write, but hey, people say, “you have a gift”, so keep writing.’

Thanks, Omega Writers from Toowoomba.  You are the best!

Barabara McKay is a new student to the classroom of writing (year 6, that is 😉) and determined to leave a written legacy of her life for her family and the generations to come. A minister's wife for forty-one years, she now resides in the peaceful town of Crows Nest, Queensland, writing adventures of the highs and lows of her life and God's faithfulness in every circumstance.

Exploring Genre: Memoir

Memoir is one of my favourite genres to read, and I’m in good company, it seems. 

I did a quick google search for ‘best selling Australian books 2019’ as I wrote this article, and unsurprisingly, the first three books I saw were memoirs. 

The right memoir can do exceptionally well. Elizabeth Gilbert sold over four million copies of her Eat, Pray, Love, the story of her quest for meaning and inner peace across several continents. It was equal to Frank McCourt’s Angela’s Ashes, the story of a miserable Irish childhood. Another miserable childhood story, this time from the US, The Glass Castle, sold 2.7 million copies.

Why do we love to read other people’s real-life stories so much?

They’re a good read.

The best memoirs are well-written, with a distinctive voice and a strong story structure that has the beginning, middle and end that every work of fiction relies on. We follow the character through their challenge, quest or discovery, fight their battles with them, and marvel at their transformation at the end.

They give us true insight into other people.

Putting your hopes, dreams and flaws on a page for all to see can feel exposing for the memoir writer, but it’s a gift to the reader. We don’t know many people as well as we know ourselves. When you read someone’s heartfelt story, it’s an opportunity to intimately understand not only an individual, but humankind.

They allow us glimpses into situations we haven’t experienced.

I’ve never lived with drug-addicted parents, hiked a 1200-mile trail or travelled to a war zone to be a medical officer, but I’ve read the experiences of those who have. Their stories opened my eyes, moved me and challenged me. Most of us live safely in the suburbs; reading a memoir is a world-widening experience.

They teach without being didactic.

While I press the point home to my memoir students that writing their story is not the same as writing a sermon (ie. no lecturing!) it’s true nevertheless that readers will learn. Lessons are gained from the writer’s experiences and transformation. Anyone who has ever tried to teach a child—or an adult—will know that we all listen to a story more easily than a ‘you should’. By reading other people’s stories, we learn lessons for our own lives.

Types of memoirs

While it’s true that there are plenty of memoirs written about tragic childhoods, abusive marriages or terrible sicknesses, memoirs don’t have to be miserable. There are canine memoirs, eccentric-mother memoirs, travel and celebrity memoirs and a whole sub-genre based around the ‘My Year Of…’ concept. I’m thinking Julie and Julia, where Julie Powell decided to cook her way through the famed French cookery book, Mastering the Art of French Cooking; and Rachel Held Evans’ A Year of Biblical Womanhood, in which she spent a year following the Bible’s instructions to women, literally and figuratively.

You could argue that blogs, which after all, are mostly personal stories, are memoir in short form. Often, a blog will become a book. My memoir, Love Tears & Autism drew on the five years of blog posts I published following my three-year-old son’s diagnosis with ASD.

If you’re writing a memoir, here are three tips.

A memoir is not the same as an autobiography

An autobiography spans a person’s lifetime and doesn’t necessarily have an overarching story arc that ties it together. Sporting or political ‘memoirs’ are more technically biographies and often are not much more than a series of events or anecdotes in chronological order. It’s important to get the facts and details right in this sort of narrative. A memoir, however, tends to focus on a period or significant event in a person’s life, and is more about how the person perceived the events, was challenged by them, and learned from them.

See yourself as the 'main character' of a story

Any good fiction protagonist must be a well-rounded character, with flaws as well as strengths. If you’re only shining off the page of your memoir, readers will close the book in disgust. We all know that real people have warts. Memoir readers want to see a balanced, honestly drawn character.

See the events as a story

Readers have expectations of what a story will give them. They seek challenge, tension and a win (of some kind) at the end. If you know the rules about story structure, you’ll be better placed to write a memoir that will hook readers and give them exactly what they are looking for.

Looking for good examples of memoirs to read and learn from? You’ll find some of my favourites listed on this page of memoir resources.

Cecily Paterson teaches memoir writing in her unexcitingly named online course, Write Your Memoir. Her own memoir, Love Tears & Autism won Third Prize in the 2012 Australian Christian Book of the Year Award. She’s the author of seven MG/YA novels for girls, with an eighth title to be published with Wombat Books in 2020.

The Power of Books

by Hazel Barker 

Books are a powerful weapon. There have been many instances of book-burnings throughout history. Some of the better-known conflagrations are the burning of Catholic theological works by Martin Luther in 1520, and the incinerating of English Monastic Libraries during the Dissolution of Monasteries from 1536-1541. Thousands of books were burned by the Communists in Russia. Books by Jewish authors and anti-Nazi books were burned by the Nazis in the 1930s and 1940s. The latest burnings to date have been those by ISIS in Iraq, Syria and Libya. Fear of their influence on people led to such destruction.

Books open our minds to knowledge, to understanding and to joy. There are millions to choose from, and were we to spend our whole lives consuming book after book, we could only read a fraction of them. For this reason, we need go to Book Fairs like the Omega Book Fair, which was recently held in March 2018. We need to visit good book stores like Koorong Book Stores. We need to be selective in what we read. We need to read edifying books. 

I enjoy reading memoirs and historical fiction. From memoirs I may learn how to avoid the mistakes others have made, or be encouraged to follow their examples. Reading historical fiction teaches me about the past, and I read them, bearing in mind the adage ‘History repeats itself.’ Books give me pleasure. Few joys give greater joy than relaxing with a good book. Ever since I learned to read from the age of four, I loved books. Later, even before I reached my teens, I longed to write – to be an author someday. 

Now that dream has been fulfilled. Book One of my memoirs Heaven Tempers the Wind. Story of a War Child and its sequel The Sides of Heaven, is available in all good bookstores. I assure you that men and women of all ages will enjoy reading it and will look forward to the third book. 

-----------

Hazel Barker lives in Brisbane with her husband Colin. She taught in Perth, Canberra and Brisbane for over a quarter of a century and now devotes her time to reading, writing and bushwalking. From her early years, her passion for books drew her to authors like Walter Scott and Charles Dickens. Her love for historical novels sprang from Scott, and the love of literary novels, from Dickens. Many of her short stories and book reviews have been published in magazines and anthologies.

Hazel’s debut novel Chocolate Soldier, was released by Rhizza Press in 2016. Book One of her memoirs Heaven Tempers the Wind was released by Armour Books this year. Both books are set during World War Two – the former in England and the Far East; the latter in Burma. Book Two of her memoirs, The Sides of Heaven, was released by Armour Books in February this year.

http://hazelmbarker.wordpress.com/

Member Interview – Ruth Bonetti

Each Thursday in 2018 we will be interviewing one of the members of Christian Writers Downunder – to find out a little bit more about them and their writing/editing goals.
Today we interview Ruth Bonetti

Question 1: 
Tell us three things about who you are and where you come from.

1. Growing up on sheep properties outside Hughenden in outback Queensland, I preferred books to horses and Mozart to Slim Dusty. Music became my passport to a wider world. First I endured the raw culture shock of a Brisbane education (Ironside State School, Somerville House high school and University of Queensland):

“    "Seated at my desk I read poetry and play characters with relish. But when I was given a lead part in the school play, I froze. Eagle eyes pierced me! I was relegated to the back of the Greek chorus. In later decades I evolved from that shy ‘bush’ child who hid in the toilet block rather than face fearsome peers. I became an adult who welcomes any platform to reach out with words and music."
    
(Excerpt from Midnight Sun to Southern Cross.) 

2. Since childhood visits to Byron Bay, I was intrigued by strange accented relatives. Grandad emigrated, aged 16, from Finland in 1902 to escape conscription into the Russian army. Destiny led me to live in Sweden, just across the Gulf of Bothnia from the family village. My recent two-book saga weaves true stories about discovering ancestors and how they impacted on my life. Perhaps more inspiring than their heroes journeys is—thank God—my own chrysalis to butterfly transformation.

3. My primary career as a musician and educator led to publications to help people perform their words and music with confidence. I teach—and inevitably write—what I needed to learn as a fledgling musician, teacher and speaker.

Question 2: 
Tell us about your writing. What do you write and why?

I've always loved reading and writing. Perhaps it's too self-revealing, but I hope to encourage others by sharing my own weaknesses and vulnerabilities. In Sounds and Souls: How music teachers change lives I wondered “How would I as an adult teach child Ruth with her sad lack of foundation?” 

Speak Out­—Don’t FreakOut begins with God’s encouragement to an insecure Moses sent off to confront Pharaoh.

Question 3: 
Who has read your work? Who would you like to read it?

Thank you to the Goodreads fraternity who posted reviews! I’m grateful to the Omega Writers CALEB panel who encouraged me with the Nonfiction Award for Burn My Letters. I hope my memoirs resonate with:

·       Those who share outback upbringing or emigrant heritage

·       Ancestry.com habitués and those who read and write life stories

·       Those who left political unrest to find safe haven in Australia
And any who present in public with words or music.

Question 4: What challenges do you face? What helps you the most?

Writing memoir is a vulnerable process and Midnight Sun took me close to tender bones. Thanks to buddy support and fellow Omega Writers for edits, insights and encouragement. My workshop “Writing Life Stories” shares lessons learned to dodge pitfalls.

Question 5: What is your favourite Writing Craft Book and why?

Carmel Bird’s Dear Writer is gentle and encouraging. And I learn from reading excellent writing.  

Question 6: 
If you were to give a shout-out to a CWD author, editor or scriptwriter– who would they be?

I was inspired to watch Simon Kennedy’s riveting story Safe Harbour as an SBS mini-series. His talent, hard work and faith reminds us we too, shall reap a harvest if we don’t give up. Anne Hamilton added layers of insights and healing to her editing.

Question 7: 
What are your writing goals for 2018? How will you achieve them?

As I poured so much into my memoir saga, this year I’m gentle with goals. But I’ve researched Norfolk Island First Fleet convicts and plan several novellas.

Question 8: 
How does your faith impact and shape your writing?

My earlier general market books are sprinkled with subtle grains of salt, e.g. a line about Christmas carols in Enjoy Playing the Clarinet; a page on prayer and a few verses in Confident Music Performance. In Midnight Sun I wrote how my fundamentalist upbringing developed an allergy to heavy messages. After accepting that I should indie-publish my memoirs I felt free to express and explore faith more than a mainstream house might have culled. When I present or am complimented for reading lessons in church (this frustrated actor gives Moses a subtle stutter) it’s an opportunity to give God glory for my development from chrysalis to butterfly.

Ruth Bonetti has been published by Oxford University Press, Albatross Books and a music publisher. Her imprint, Words and Music, published five books to develop confident presentation for those who perform through words or music. Ruth’s music and speaking career has taken her around Australia, Europe and the USA. She founded Omega Writers in 1992.
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