Writing Life Stories — of Living People by Ruth Bonetti

Over decades of writing my heritage trilogy, I wrangled relatives, opening closet doors to skeletons, shotgun weddings and shame on the family. I resisted cranky maiden aunts who threatened legal action if I divulged a century-old illegitimate birth. Black sheep were drafted from white; truths sifted from myths;
‘Change the names and turn it into a novel’ some siblings urged, not trusting me to honour the family.

Magical realism gave me a tool to avoid relatives’ rancour. I wrote conversations with dead relatives, posing questions like ‘Karl Johan, I bet you were in the thick of the Battle of Brisbane?’ No answer but the possibility hangs in the ether. (Don’t you talk with your long departed?)

 

I gave him new life, channelling his own FaceBook page. This long-deceased bachelor author received little encouragement until I gave him credence in his book Burn my Letters and on Soundcloud.

Now, writing stories of living people, I face new challenges. Valued critique groups focus on writing tools like Spot the ‘Show don’t tell.’ With living people it’s ‘dare I show or tell without asking permission? 

 

Recently I’ve been led to write stories of a diverse group of living people: Justen, a Sudanese child soldier, refugee to Australia and now studying for the ministry; my indigenous ‘Bestie’ from Boigu Island in Torres Strait, who was so buoyed to have a short story in Mosaic of Grace that she wants to publish a whole book of her testimonies as well as short stories for children.

My book-in progress Victorious Voices will release stories of three friends including a Neapolitan tenor and Tuija, a Finnish singer who I was led to Estonia to meet. Why Estonia?

 

‘That’s all I have to write about Finland,’ I decided after the third book of my trilogy Midnight Sun to Southern Cross was published. But that shut door left a hole in my heart and head. Until I stumbled onto a documentary called The Singing Revolution. It described how Estonians won freedom from Soviet rule with unique powerful weapons—their singing voices. The three Baltic states endured oppressive regimes under Russia until 1991. They won independence through silent protest and singing! 

At Estonia’s Song and Dance Festival (see my 2025 blog) I bonded with Tuija and discovered we share similar issues, even reaching back to utero. To communicate our murky dark issues sparks triggers.

 

What to reveal in print? What might malcontents use against me? Why reveal chinks in my armour for insensitive prodding? I am blessed with wise counsel, spiritual direction, beta readers and editors to vet words before they’re printed. With a small team of like-minded nonfiction authors meet, some digitally, I meet to pray through far deeper issues than show-don’t-tell. 

 

Digital platforms like FaceTime are invaluable for interviewing distant friends and transcribing in first person viewpoint. Messenger’s green dot alerts when Tuija is awake in Finland. It tempts me to jump in with a searching question, skipping introductory pleasantries. The three dots wave in response while I double guess if I’ve been too abrupt or disturbed her sleep.

 

One luminous full moon I tossed before sleeping. Text pings woke me at 2:30am. Bestie’s mother had just died following the recent death of her younger sister. I rolled over, remembering I had stumbled into a cultural sensitivity by asking about their health and funerals. After wriggling a while I replied with the compassion she then craved. (Next day I reset the ‘do not disturb’ function.) 

At such times how to balance objectivity and sympathy? While I’ve promised to help Bestie edit her stories, my role is to enable and empower her to own her stories. It’s her voice, and she knows culture better than me. When I upgraded my iPad, I donated the old one to her worthy cause and sent videos showing how to record her stories to Notes or Voice Memos using the mic icon. Transcribe, even. 

 

Pitfalls lie in wait when writing of different cultural situations but there’s deep satisfaction in enabling living stories to reach readers.   

 

What stories could you share before they’re lost to dementia or the grave? Do it now!

 

HEAR Ruth Bonetti speak at Koorong on 'Writing Life Stories of Living People'.

WRITING PROMPTS:

·      If I’d known what lay ahead, when I took that first step…

·      The photograph sent prickles down my spine. These were real people!

·      If only I’d shared my story, another life might have been saved.

Ruth loves writing true stories of real people overcoming adversity. She is grateful to her team of prayer supporters (yes, including Tuija in Finland) to overcome the Attack of Tech Gremlins that messed with blog formatting and her head. 

Ruth co-edited a third collection Mosaic of Grace with Anne Hamilton and Rosemary New. Ruth is thrilled by the prolific harvest of published authors since founding Omega Writers in 1991 and co-founding Christian Authors Showcase Queensland. 

Website

Mosaic of Grace

Buy Ruth's books

Midnight Sun to Southern Cross Trilogy

Book Narrations

The Singing Revolution

Exploring Genre: Memoir

Memoir is one of my favourite genres to read, and I’m in good company, it seems. 

I did a quick google search for ‘best selling Australian books 2019’ as I wrote this article, and unsurprisingly, the first three books I saw were memoirs. 

The right memoir can do exceptionally well. Elizabeth Gilbert sold over four million copies of her Eat, Pray, Love, the story of her quest for meaning and inner peace across several continents. It was equal to Frank McCourt’s Angela’s Ashes, the story of a miserable Irish childhood. Another miserable childhood story, this time from the US, The Glass Castle, sold 2.7 million copies.

Why do we love to read other people’s real-life stories so much?

They’re a good read.

The best memoirs are well-written, with a distinctive voice and a strong story structure that has the beginning, middle and end that every work of fiction relies on. We follow the character through their challenge, quest or discovery, fight their battles with them, and marvel at their transformation at the end.

They give us true insight into other people.

Putting your hopes, dreams and flaws on a page for all to see can feel exposing for the memoir writer, but it’s a gift to the reader. We don’t know many people as well as we know ourselves. When you read someone’s heartfelt story, it’s an opportunity to intimately understand not only an individual, but humankind.

They allow us glimpses into situations we haven’t experienced.

I’ve never lived with drug-addicted parents, hiked a 1200-mile trail or travelled to a war zone to be a medical officer, but I’ve read the experiences of those who have. Their stories opened my eyes, moved me and challenged me. Most of us live safely in the suburbs; reading a memoir is a world-widening experience.

They teach without being didactic.

While I press the point home to my memoir students that writing their story is not the same as writing a sermon (ie. no lecturing!) it’s true nevertheless that readers will learn. Lessons are gained from the writer’s experiences and transformation. Anyone who has ever tried to teach a child—or an adult—will know that we all listen to a story more easily than a ‘you should’. By reading other people’s stories, we learn lessons for our own lives.

Types of memoirs

While it’s true that there are plenty of memoirs written about tragic childhoods, abusive marriages or terrible sicknesses, memoirs don’t have to be miserable. There are canine memoirs, eccentric-mother memoirs, travel and celebrity memoirs and a whole sub-genre based around the ‘My Year Of…’ concept. I’m thinking Julie and Julia, where Julie Powell decided to cook her way through the famed French cookery book, Mastering the Art of French Cooking; and Rachel Held Evans’ A Year of Biblical Womanhood, in which she spent a year following the Bible’s instructions to women, literally and figuratively.

You could argue that blogs, which after all, are mostly personal stories, are memoir in short form. Often, a blog will become a book. My memoir, Love Tears & Autism drew on the five years of blog posts I published following my three-year-old son’s diagnosis with ASD.

If you’re writing a memoir, here are three tips.

A memoir is not the same as an autobiography

An autobiography spans a person’s lifetime and doesn’t necessarily have an overarching story arc that ties it together. Sporting or political ‘memoirs’ are more technically biographies and often are not much more than a series of events or anecdotes in chronological order. It’s important to get the facts and details right in this sort of narrative. A memoir, however, tends to focus on a period or significant event in a person’s life, and is more about how the person perceived the events, was challenged by them, and learned from them.

See yourself as the 'main character' of a story

Any good fiction protagonist must be a well-rounded character, with flaws as well as strengths. If you’re only shining off the page of your memoir, readers will close the book in disgust. We all know that real people have warts. Memoir readers want to see a balanced, honestly drawn character.

See the events as a story

Readers have expectations of what a story will give them. They seek challenge, tension and a win (of some kind) at the end. If you know the rules about story structure, you’ll be better placed to write a memoir that will hook readers and give them exactly what they are looking for.

Looking for good examples of memoirs to read and learn from? You’ll find some of my favourites listed on this page of memoir resources.

Cecily Paterson teaches memoir writing in her unexcitingly named online course, Write Your Memoir. Her own memoir, Love Tears & Autism won Third Prize in the 2012 Australian Christian Book of the Year Award. She’s the author of seven MG/YA novels for girls, with an eighth title to be published with Wombat Books in 2020.

Hearing Aids and Blog Pages by Pamela Heemskerk

I’ve been a member of CWD for a while now and regularly look at the FB page. I’ve thought quietly to myself – hmmm, this page doesn’t change much. Recently a friend explained that the FB page is not the blog page... My lack of computer knowledge prevented me from accessing the really useful information.

I found getting hearing aids rather like that – it’s a foreign country. And the explanation about use may be quite brief. Things sound quite different, and aids are not helpful in certain situations.

In the same way that I needed specific instructions to access the blog page, new users to hearing aids need some pointers as to what to look out for. I knew if I as a long-term wearer, was struggling with hearing aids, there must be many others struggling too.

And so, Rather a Small Chicken…a Guide to Hearing Loss for Family and Friends was born.

I am a non-fiction writer – usually from life experiences and lessons learned along the way. Writing about these things can be cathartic, and expressing my exasperations with hearing aids and hearing loss certainly was! I did many revisions.

Some of the things I learned about writing from life:

• When writing on an emotional topic, put the writing aside for a time (months – or a year if you happen to be me) and go back over it with a careful ear as to the tone of the writing. Bitterness, unintended slurs or anger can come across to readers in describing highly charged life experiences.
• Examine clarity of ideas - I wanted to write to people with widely varied backgrounds, and needed to keep sentences and information easily accessible.
• Length of work – this was to be an information booklet, not a novel length piece. It changed size several times and I had to act on the decision of ‘booklet’, not book, or fact sheet.
• Non-fiction from real life must reflect some facts - concise and accurate information was important.
• A little humour can make even an emotionally loaded topic less intense. (Thanks Anne B)
• A really good editor with an understanding of what appeals to readers is so important. I changed from structured third person to more conversational first and second person, on the advice of my editor. (Thanks Anne H)
• A really good friend with a ‘ministry in nagging’ to keep you moving forward. (Thanks N…)

It has been a journey – a long one, as I have wandered around, wondering if I really am a writer and whether I really do have anything to say. But the end of this part of the journey is close – with the booklet converted to the final file for printing just this week. Soon I will be learning about print on demand, e-books, marketing and book launches. But that is for the next blog…

I would love to have on-line discussions with others with hearing loss, so please pass on the BlogSpot to those you know who have a hearing loss. pgheemskerk@blogspot.com

 (My deepest apologies to all who have taken time and trouble to post on CWD! I will be working my way back through many blogs…)

Pamela Heemskerk found writing took her by surprise when recuperating from an illness and it has become a major part of her life.  She has a passion for art, embroidery, children and telling people about hearing loss.  She works as a physiotherapist with young children with a disability.
http://pgheemskerk.blogspot.com.au/