Over decades of writing my heritage trilogy, I wrangled relatives, opening closet doors to skeletons, shotgun weddings and shame on the family. I resisted cranky maiden aunts who threatened legal action if I divulged a century-old illegitimate birth. Black sheep were drafted from white; truths sifted from myths;
‘Change the names and turn it into a novel’ some siblings urged, not trusting me to honour the family.
Magical realism gave me a tool to avoid relatives’ rancour. I wrote conversations with dead relatives, posing questions like ‘Karl Johan, I bet you were in the thick of the Battle of Brisbane?’ No answer but the possibility hangs in the ether. (Don’t you talk with your long departed?)
I gave him new life, channelling his own FaceBook page. This long-deceased bachelor author received little encouragement until I gave him credence in his book Burn my Letters and on Soundcloud.
Now, writing stories of living people, I face new challenges. Valued critique groups focus on writing tools like Spot the ‘Show don’t tell.’ With living people it’s ‘dare I show or tell without asking permission?
Recently I’ve been led to write stories of a diverse group of living people: Justen, a Sudanese child soldier, refugee to Australia and now studying for the ministry; my indigenous ‘Bestie’ from Boigu Island in Torres Strait, who was so buoyed to have a short story in Mosaic of Grace that she wants to publish a whole book of her testimonies as well as short stories for children.
My book-in progress Victorious Voices will release stories of three friends including a Neapolitan tenor and Tuija, a Finnish singer who I was led to Estonia to meet. Why Estonia?
‘That’s all I have to write about Finland,’ I decided after the third book of my trilogy Midnight Sun to Southern Cross was published. But that shut door left a hole in my heart and head. Until I stumbled onto a documentary called The Singing Revolution. It described how Estonians won freedom from Soviet rule with unique powerful weapons—their singing voices. The three Baltic states endured oppressive regimes under Russia until 1991. They won independence through silent protest and singing!
At Estonia’s Song and Dance Festival (see my 2025 blog) I bonded with Tuija and discovered we share similar issues, even reaching back to utero. To communicate our murky dark issues sparks triggers.
What to reveal in print? What might malcontents use against me? Why reveal chinks in my armour for insensitive prodding? I am blessed with wise counsel, spiritual direction, beta readers and editors to vet words before they’re printed. With a small team of like-minded nonfiction authors meet, some digitally, I meet to pray through far deeper issues than show-don’t-tell.
Digital platforms like FaceTime are invaluable for interviewing distant friends and transcribing in first person viewpoint. Messenger’s green dot alerts when Tuija is awake in Finland. It tempts me to jump in with a searching question, skipping introductory pleasantries. The three dots wave in response while I double guess if I’ve been too abrupt or disturbed her sleep.
One luminous full moon I tossed before sleeping. Text pings woke me at 2:30am. Bestie’s mother had just died following the recent death of her younger sister. I rolled over, remembering I had stumbled into a cultural sensitivity by asking about their health and funerals. After wriggling a while I replied with the compassion she then craved. (Next day I reset the ‘do not disturb’ function.)
At such times how to balance objectivity and sympathy? While I’ve promised to help Bestie edit her stories, my role is to enable and empower her to own her stories. It’s her voice, and she knows culture better than me. When I upgraded my iPad, I donated the old one to her worthy cause and sent videos showing how to record her stories to Notes or Voice Memos using the mic icon. Transcribe, even.
Pitfalls lie in wait when writing of different cultural situations but there’s deep satisfaction in enabling living stories to reach readers.
What stories could you share before they’re lost to dementia or the grave? Do it now!
HEAR Ruth Bonetti speak at Koorong on 'Writing Life Stories of Living People'.
WRITING PROMPTS:
· If I’d known what lay ahead, when I took that first step…
· The photograph sent prickles down my spine. These were real people!
· If only I’d shared my story, another life might have been saved.
Ruth loves writing true stories of real people overcoming adversity. She is grateful to her team of prayer supporters (yes, including Tuija in Finland) to overcome the Attack of Tech Gremlins that messed with blog formatting and her head.
