LISTENING TO THE STORIES OF OTHERS

I just spent an enriching day immersed in the wilderness of a deep gorge, with beautiful waterfalls, cascades, forests and fauna. What made it significantly enriching was not just the wonderful environment but the time spent hearing the tireless stories of this area's custodian, geographer and eldered mentor.

Often as authors and story tellers we are more interested in telling our stories to others than taking time to hear other’s stories. This may be true of us as authors, but it is often also the case when we are considering points of view in a world that has so many. What our world needs is some humble listening to help us navigate the monumental changes and fluxes happening across our planet and in the intimate realities of people. People who Jesus cares for.

Jesus demonstrated great listening by giving people his undivided attention, fostering trust, and validating their worth. I love the story of Jesus' interaction with the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4). Jesus didn’t just do all the talking. He listened patiently to her, providing a safe space for her to open up about her life and spiritual questions, allowing for a deep, unhurried conversation. In doing so he circumvented cultural norms and ignored his own needs to address her shame, fear, and spiritual hunger. In like manner when Jesus came across blind Bartimaeus (despite the crowd trying to silence him), Jesus heard him, stopped, and asked, "What do you want me to do for you?" (Mark 10:46-52). Jesus valued, affirmed and ‘saw’ Bartimaeus so he could fully give him agency in the healing that took place. This was modelled many times.

Listening to others' stories is important. It is crucial for fostering empathy (listeners can begin to relate to others as they recognise that the messenger has feelings and experiences just like them (Colgate 2008)). Listening to other’s stories catalyses our connection with others and takes our relationships to a deeper emotional level.  It helps to build stronger communities by creating closer relationships, trust, and empowerment and encouragement for others to tell their stories. Sharing in people’s personal stories helps others gain new perspectives, understand diverse experiences, and promotes personal and collective growth. We learn from each other’s journeys.

My wife and I are “Member Carers” involved in the vital work of helping to support mission individuals, couples, families and teams on the cutting edge of community development initiatives and humanitarian responses. We are bringing much needed care to those reaching the unreached.  Decades of Chaplaincy, pastoral care, community development and cross-cultural service have produced our unique skillset to help bring this care and support.  Simply listening to their stories is one of the most valuable assets we bring into this space.

We recently met face to face with many long-serving and new-to-field workers in restricted access areas. They face constant significant challenges to their own health, safety and the effectiveness of their operations. The personal cost of service for them encompasses insecurity, loneliness, physical risk, and heightened psychological burdens. Visiting them and providing care by our presence and listening has helped maintain their active service.

Robyn Fivush (2020), Professor of Developmental Psychology at Emory University and the director of the Family Narratives Lab confirms these sentiments: “Knowing how to listen to others’ stories is just as important as being able to tell your own story. When we listen, truly listen, to someone else’s story, we understand who they are in a new and different way, we hear their perspective, their interpretation, their understanding of the world and of themselves. Closely listening to others’ stories creates a shared moment of compassion.”

Colgate (2008) adds another powerful reason why it is important to tell our own stories so others can listen: it brings healing for us and sets others up for their own healing journeys. “As we recall our own stories, we begin to uncover old wounds, hurts and traumas. We also begin to identify the ways in which we have tried to cover over or to deny our pain. Then, by the gracious touch of Jesus and often with the help of a friend, we can experience healing and release. This whole process of healing, release and renewal has tremendous impact.”

I have learnt over the years (with all the cultural immersion and care work I have been blessed to be engaged in) that respecting the culture and history of peoples requires a wise acquiring. This is empowered by access, understanding and actioning of endemic communication methodology and storying that requires listening, adapting, and adopting creative methodologies.

An example of this are my relationships with Indigenous friends who have welcomed me like family. When I was considering the recent musings and discussions of Australia Day, I took time to reflect on the blessing of interactions and family connections with many ethnicities (my family were  immigrants in the 1800's and 1950's. English, German, becoming generations of Aussies) and multiple indigenous embracings.

I remember always caring, sometimes intense 'Aunties' sharing stories, welcoming, praying over, calling forth my formative, eyes-opened, heart-responsive, listening and learning, loving and growing, going and journeying in community, family, mates and markings. Nows and futures. Together. 'Uncles' doing likewise with practiced hands teaching to walk and talk the land, gather and collect, hear and hunt, treading, trusting, braving, sometimes slow, moving, mustering, making, moulding, and mentoring.

Lessons of humility stand out with stories of responsibility and storied teachings of reverence, sacred ways of giving thanks, awe of life and spirit, Creator and created, experiential teachings of giving, kindness, caring, justice, mercy and love, orality, oral pronouncements and wisened sayings by meaningful adult interactions. They are oral in spoken words as well as in songs, in utterances, and the sounds of sight and sounds of thoughts and feelings shared on journey together, perhaps gathering foods or hunting or wandering with purpose together on an adventure, sitting in the dust around a camp fire and simply being together, and sometimes this means sitting in silence for a long time and simply sharing space together in the presence of The Almighty.

I am humbled and honoured for their welcome. Thankful for teaching me and helping me listen. To see. I am glad we can join hands with all our diverse backgrounds to journey into our future together.

There are many other examples of relationships with many different peoples I could share of the vitality of listening.

Finally, when stories are shared to listening ears and hearts, they are spiritually powerful:

“We overcome by the word of our testimony and the blood of the lamb” (Revelation 12:11).

It may even be considered to be a form of spiritual warfare as it is truth telling, helps to break down deception, and reveals Godly purposes, plans and prophetic insights therefore countering  isolation, judgment, and spiritual darkness. Honest testimonies and authentically hearing others, can help bring freedom, build hope and faith, and testify of God’s power.

Jesus took time to listen to people. Perhaps we can too.

Listening to others’ stories empowers their future story. I believe it is also a potent way for us as story tellers to have more powerful future stories.

My wilderness journey and storied immersions have changed my life. I hope your adventures in listening do too.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Colgate, J (2008) Relational Bible Storying and Scripture Use in Oral Muslim Context,

Fivush, R. (2020) Listening to Stories: The Power of Story Circles Story Circles build compassion and connection during challenging times. In Psychology Today. 

Lausanne  (2004) “Making Disciples of Oral Learners” Oral Communicators and Oral Cultures in the Lausanne Report (pages 14-18) Making Disciples of Oral Learners Can we in our day do for oral communicators what Gutenberg in his day did for literates? In Report from the Lausanne Committee on World Evangelization Issue Group  Pattaya, Thailand. Sept. 29-Oct. 5, 2004

Strauss, R. (2018) “Tell This Man We Were Sleeping” EMQ, October–December 2018, Volume 54, Issue 4, Missionexus Introducing-story-strategic-methods/

When you have no energy to write. What I’m doing to revive my spark.

 I let go of my self-publishing dreams two years ago. 

No doubt it was 2020, and COVID-19 was raging around the world, so my judgement may be impacted by that. But in truth, it was a decision that was building up for years. 

Life gets to you. And life really got to me since 2018, when I left the comforts of my day job in a dying industry to carve what I thought was a new, exciting one in digital marketing.

The struggle to establish myself in a new niche was more daunting than I thought. I endured toxic jobs, crammed massive amounts of knowledge and struggled to maintain a foothold in impatient corporations that were more than willing to toss you out if you couldn’t catch up.

As I struggled with these challenges, writing stories about spaceships and aliens faded into the background. The worry of putting food on the table and saving enough for retirement was all-consuming. 

And then the pandemic hit. I found myself without a job like thousands around the world (though of my own choosing — long story) and having to grapple with lockdowns, social distancing, isolation and family health crises. 

I wish this was a “10 things to do if you don’t feel like writing” post. But I have no easy answers except to share my experience as I try to revive my dying flame of creativity.

Overcoming my mental blocks

When I think about my space opera series, I still get twinges of the happiness I used to have when I first built the world. But the moment I think about what’s involved to get my work out there — the high editing fees that I probably can’t afford, the arduous revisions, the promotion and marketing I’d have to do, my enthusiasm deflates like a popped balloon.

Like most authors, I don’t enjoy these activities. Especially when your day job is marketing! You’d think that it’ll be easy to do marketing stuff in your free time, but this is like working all the time without a break. Fiction writing becomes work, not a fun escape.

It came to a point where I couldn’t listen to my favourite self-publishing podcasts — Self Publishing Show or The Creative Penn. I even told friends to stop sending me self-publishing marketing articles because all these were triggering the guilt and despair of not being able to act on my dreams.

Each time I open the pages of my unfinished novel, I’m filled with the crushing sense of failure. And pressure. So much pressure! The “musts” that invade my mind as I try to just complete the story — you must market this. You must advertise. You must, must must. My eye on self-publishing success, although I’ve given up on ever achieving it, is still ever present.

And I have so little mental energy these days.

My day job takes an immense amount of energy. So much so that none is left at the end of the day, and all I could do is flop on the couch, exhausted and turn on Netflix.

I feel like a failure for not even having the energy to pen a sentence. I’ve tried to overcome my mental energy problem with various productivity hacks, but no luck.

Times like these I reread Kristin Kathyrn Rusch’s article, When to Stop Writing where she says, “If you’re a driven person and writing has been at the heart of that drive, not writing is a terrible thing to go through. You can push through it—sometimes. But you can’t always. Sometimes you have to rest. Sometimes you have to let the brain adjust to the new reality, whatever it is.”

I would say I’d have to adjust to many new realities in the last few years!

Becca Syme of Strengths for Writers has an explanation for my lack of energy to write, saying that while life’s dramas fueled some personalities to write, there are others who are so drained by them that the creative faucet runs dry.

My writing retreat

I am the latter, and I’ve grown to accept that.

I’m in a much better place now, but the tough years of 2018-2020 still haunt me, and I am still burnt around the edges. Fortunately, I’m now able to live my ideal life while earning a good salary (touch wood) and I’m now working on reviving my dying creative flame. Here’s what I’ve been doing:

Putting aside the pressure to earn

I put a lot of pressure on myself, so I’m still avoiding podcasts that scream, “you got to do this or that to succeed”. I’m avoiding anxiety-provoking articles that yell, “If you don’t do this your books will never sell.” My aim now is to regain the love and sense of fun I used to have when creating and writing new worlds. I’m pushing aside thoughts of monetary success for now, as they don’t seem to motivate me but crush my creativity instead.

Allow myself to dream again

Not of self-publishing success but of my characters’ stories. I have a soundtrack for each one of my characters. Each time I put it on, my mind dreams up new possibilities for them. I go for long walks while listening to their songs, watching them live their lives like an observer.

Absorb inspiring stories

Some writers say that TV is a distraction and should be eliminated so you can write better. For me, TV shows and movies are food. I’ve been watching shows such as Star Trek: Picard, Dune, the Marvel movies to give me creative food to fuel my stories. 

Set my stories free

I have a feeling that I am such a rebel that I want to do things the opposite of what people recommend. The tried and tested method of being a self-published author don’t seem to appeal to me. I realise what fuels my writing is not just money (money is always nice, isn’t it?). It is community.

I began my writing life writing fiction online, posting them chapter by chapter in my website or online portals. Free. I used to get such a thrill seeing a reader comment on the chapter. This connection with my readers is something I miss dearly.

People are still doing this online, posting chapter by chapter in places such as Royal Road. Webnovels are hugely properly in Asia, and it’s such a pity it has not caught on in the West, because there’s such creative freedom in being able to write this way. Nevertheless, I’m exploring it despite the ardent naysayers, setting my novel free on the Internet. There are opportunities to monetise using this method, but I’m trying not to think about them too much right now.

Taking good care of myself

During the hard years of 2018 to 2020, everything seemed so uncertain. My future, my career prospects, certainly my income. During this time I really envied married friends who could rely on their other halfs to take care of the financial matters while they take time off to do something creative.

The burden of my survival lies solidly on my shoulders, and mine alone. So I put my head down to do just that. I was in survival mode, even if I didn’t realise it at the time. 

I compromised a lot. I lived in a cramped, roach-infested apartment because I could pay cheap rent. I ate junk food because it was easy and preparing healthy meals seemed arduous. I barely exercised because it was far easier to flop down on a couch and watch TV.

Late 2021, I started prioritising myself, starting with a 2-month sojourn in the lovely island of Penang, living by the beach. Then, I left my awful apartment and moved into a lovely walk-up apartment with really reasonable rent. It’s on top of a hill. Now, my mornings are filled with birdsong instead of screaming toddlers. My balcony has become a haven to rest, meditate, read and write. In fact, I’m typing this in my balcony, which has wooden floors and is surrounded by beautiful green plants.

I cook most of my meals now, taking pains to ensure they are not processed but are all natural. I exercise every morning if I can, taking walks on roads lined with old, giant trees.

Recently I spoke to a friend, who is on the same road of trying to get herself motivated to start her creative venture. Both of us promised to get our work out there this year.

That’s a promise I’m making myself this year — to get my work out there, pushing aside dreams of glory and self-publishing success … and to regain my joy in creating worlds again.

Wish me luck.

Elizabeth Tai writes Science Fiction as Tai Weiland. For more, visit http://taiweiland.weebly.com/

Words and words are all I have... by Anusha Atukorala

I wake up in my hotel room at the Changi airport. The time is 4.40 p.m. Groggy and disoriented, I walk to the bathroom. My eyelids are half closed. I splash cold water on my face. A cup of tea would be nice. I plug in the kettle and make myself a cuppa. I sit back on my bed and sip it slowly. Mmm. That feels good. Very good.

I wake up. I remember. I am here waiting for my connecting flight back home after Mum’s funeral. Without any warning, tears begin to rain down my cheeks. My blouse gets soaked. Mama is gone. My beloved, wonderful, amazing, one of a kind Mother is no more. I miss her so. I can’t reach her. Never again on earth. Never is a sad word. Never is never! I put the cup down. I rush to my overnight bag. I pull out a book. A slim volume with a light green cover. I open it.

“This book is for Anusha when I’m gone. 4/5/07” AA

It’s the journal my Mama left for me. Slowly, I turn its pages and begin to read. The tears continue to fall. But Mum’s journal comforts me, a warm fire on a dark sad winter’s night. Quotations, poems, verses; many in her own beautiful familiar hand writing. What a treasure trove! I read on. I am blessed. Her presence is with me.

That was 6 weeks ago. It’s now almost 2 months since my beloved Mother passed away on the 4th of January 2015. Mama hadn’t been sick for more than a few days, so her death came as a mammoth shock to us her family. We’d been hoping to celebrate her 90th – all 34 of us children, grand children and great grandchildren – only 6 months on. We could hardly believe that we’d been cheated of that special celebration for Mum. She was eagerly looking forward to it and so were we.

In today’s blog I honour the extraordinary woman who was my Mum. Because you see… if not for her, I would not be part of CWD. Mum was a writer. I imbibed my love of books and reading and writing from her. She was a journalist for 72 years – right until she died at age 89. Her Christmas article was published in the newspaper 10 days before. In 2014 she was given the award of Lifetime Achievement in Journalism. Mum was also a counsellor and a speaker and a friend of many. She touched hundreds of people. She used words. To bless and build. To challenge. To build a better world.

The Journal she left me is now my most prized possession. I discover inside an excerpt from an email I wrote to her in June 2007. “I have some good news about my writing. I got my first Aussie acceptance. Isn’t that wonderful? I had a letter yesterday from Strand Publishing. My story ‘A dream realised’ will be printed in a book called ‘Australian stories to inspire the heart…” It touches me now that Mum pasted it in her special journal. She was the "ever-present, totally-for-me" cheer-leader of my writing journey. When I sent her a link to my Amazon Author page just a few weeks before she died, she responded immediately:

Goodness gracious me! I AM vastly impressed, darlintest of authors.
Your devoted fan,
Anne A.

Mum wrote fearlessly to change systems. She challenged injustice and stood up for the downtrodden. Her writing made a difference. Today, though sharing with you a little of her professional career, what I’d like to highlight is something different. For almost 16 years, Mum and I wrote a long daily email to each other every night. Today, the 5093 emails (yes, that many) she sent me over the years comfort me. Her journal blesses me. Mum kept closely in touch with her seven children and their spouses, her eleven grandchildren and their spouses and her 4 great grandchildren. That is a lot of us! Mum was a prolific email correspondent with many people all over the globe; young and old, men and women, people from all walks of life. She was a writer! Not only professionally but all the time.

We writers have one major tool that we use over and over again. Words. Words matter. Words build and create. Like bricks to a builder or paint to an artist, we writers have the time of our lives splashing words about in life's ocean, don’t we? But here’s the question. What of the words we use in our spare time? Are they being put to good use as much as our professional writing? We writers have the ability to touch lives. Do we use words to that end? Are others enriched by our words? All day? Every day? Whom can you bless today through your writing? An email? A snail mail letter? A card? A poem? A few words on Facebook? A status message? A story – not just for publication but to encourage a friend? May you and I continually colour our world with words – words that bless, anoint, encourage, challenge and inspire.

And just as Mum’s journal continues to bring healing to my life – may you and I use words to heal and restore. Are you up for the challenge? And while we are about it – do you have stories of how your words have blessed another? I’d love to hear them.

Anusha Atukorala is a writer with a song in her heart and a message to proclaim. The love of Jesus is her anchor, her strength and her song. Her first book ‘Enjoying the Journey’ is a collection of little God thoughts from every day life. She has been enriched on her writing journey not only by God’s wisdom and inspiration but also by many amazing writer friends just like yourself! You can connect with her on her weekly blog and website Dancing in the Rain. Do drop in to say G'day.