When you have no energy to write. What I’m doing to revive my spark.

 I let go of my self-publishing dreams two years ago. 

No doubt it was 2020, and COVID-19 was raging around the world, so my judgement may be impacted by that. But in truth, it was a decision that was building up for years. 

Life gets to you. And life really got to me since 2018, when I left the comforts of my day job in a dying industry to carve what I thought was a new, exciting one in digital marketing.

The struggle to establish myself in a new niche was more daunting than I thought. I endured toxic jobs, crammed massive amounts of knowledge and struggled to maintain a foothold in impatient corporations that were more than willing to toss you out if you couldn’t catch up.

As I struggled with these challenges, writing stories about spaceships and aliens faded into the background. The worry of putting food on the table and saving enough for retirement was all-consuming. 

And then the pandemic hit. I found myself without a job like thousands around the world (though of my own choosing — long story) and having to grapple with lockdowns, social distancing, isolation and family health crises. 

I wish this was a “10 things to do if you don’t feel like writing” post. But I have no easy answers except to share my experience as I try to revive my dying flame of creativity.

Overcoming my mental blocks

When I think about my space opera series, I still get twinges of the happiness I used to have when I first built the world. But the moment I think about what’s involved to get my work out there — the high editing fees that I probably can’t afford, the arduous revisions, the promotion and marketing I’d have to do, my enthusiasm deflates like a popped balloon.

Like most authors, I don’t enjoy these activities. Especially when your day job is marketing! You’d think that it’ll be easy to do marketing stuff in your free time, but this is like working all the time without a break. Fiction writing becomes work, not a fun escape.

It came to a point where I couldn’t listen to my favourite self-publishing podcasts — Self Publishing Show or The Creative Penn. I even told friends to stop sending me self-publishing marketing articles because all these were triggering the guilt and despair of not being able to act on my dreams.

Each time I open the pages of my unfinished novel, I’m filled with the crushing sense of failure. And pressure. So much pressure! The “musts” that invade my mind as I try to just complete the story — you must market this. You must advertise. You must, must must. My eye on self-publishing success, although I’ve given up on ever achieving it, is still ever present.

And I have so little mental energy these days.

My day job takes an immense amount of energy. So much so that none is left at the end of the day, and all I could do is flop on the couch, exhausted and turn on Netflix.

I feel like a failure for not even having the energy to pen a sentence. I’ve tried to overcome my mental energy problem with various productivity hacks, but no luck.

Times like these I reread Kristin Kathyrn Rusch’s article, When to Stop Writing where she says, “If you’re a driven person and writing has been at the heart of that drive, not writing is a terrible thing to go through. You can push through it—sometimes. But you can’t always. Sometimes you have to rest. Sometimes you have to let the brain adjust to the new reality, whatever it is.”

I would say I’d have to adjust to many new realities in the last few years!

Becca Syme of Strengths for Writers has an explanation for my lack of energy to write, saying that while life’s dramas fueled some personalities to write, there are others who are so drained by them that the creative faucet runs dry.

My writing retreat

I am the latter, and I’ve grown to accept that.

I’m in a much better place now, but the tough years of 2018-2020 still haunt me, and I am still burnt around the edges. Fortunately, I’m now able to live my ideal life while earning a good salary (touch wood) and I’m now working on reviving my dying creative flame. Here’s what I’ve been doing:

Putting aside the pressure to earn

I put a lot of pressure on myself, so I’m still avoiding podcasts that scream, “you got to do this or that to succeed”. I’m avoiding anxiety-provoking articles that yell, “If you don’t do this your books will never sell.” My aim now is to regain the love and sense of fun I used to have when creating and writing new worlds. I’m pushing aside thoughts of monetary success for now, as they don’t seem to motivate me but crush my creativity instead.

Allow myself to dream again

Not of self-publishing success but of my characters’ stories. I have a soundtrack for each one of my characters. Each time I put it on, my mind dreams up new possibilities for them. I go for long walks while listening to their songs, watching them live their lives like an observer.

Absorb inspiring stories

Some writers say that TV is a distraction and should be eliminated so you can write better. For me, TV shows and movies are food. I’ve been watching shows such as Star Trek: Picard, Dune, the Marvel movies to give me creative food to fuel my stories. 

Set my stories free

I have a feeling that I am such a rebel that I want to do things the opposite of what people recommend. The tried and tested method of being a self-published author don’t seem to appeal to me. I realise what fuels my writing is not just money (money is always nice, isn’t it?). It is community.

I began my writing life writing fiction online, posting them chapter by chapter in my website or online portals. Free. I used to get such a thrill seeing a reader comment on the chapter. This connection with my readers is something I miss dearly.

People are still doing this online, posting chapter by chapter in places such as Royal Road. Webnovels are hugely properly in Asia, and it’s such a pity it has not caught on in the West, because there’s such creative freedom in being able to write this way. Nevertheless, I’m exploring it despite the ardent naysayers, setting my novel free on the Internet. There are opportunities to monetise using this method, but I’m trying not to think about them too much right now.

Taking good care of myself

During the hard years of 2018 to 2020, everything seemed so uncertain. My future, my career prospects, certainly my income. During this time I really envied married friends who could rely on their other halfs to take care of the financial matters while they take time off to do something creative.

The burden of my survival lies solidly on my shoulders, and mine alone. So I put my head down to do just that. I was in survival mode, even if I didn’t realise it at the time. 

I compromised a lot. I lived in a cramped, roach-infested apartment because I could pay cheap rent. I ate junk food because it was easy and preparing healthy meals seemed arduous. I barely exercised because it was far easier to flop down on a couch and watch TV.

Late 2021, I started prioritising myself, starting with a 2-month sojourn in the lovely island of Penang, living by the beach. Then, I left my awful apartment and moved into a lovely walk-up apartment with really reasonable rent. It’s on top of a hill. Now, my mornings are filled with birdsong instead of screaming toddlers. My balcony has become a haven to rest, meditate, read and write. In fact, I’m typing this in my balcony, which has wooden floors and is surrounded by beautiful green plants.

I cook most of my meals now, taking pains to ensure they are not processed but are all natural. I exercise every morning if I can, taking walks on roads lined with old, giant trees.

Recently I spoke to a friend, who is on the same road of trying to get herself motivated to start her creative venture. Both of us promised to get our work out there this year.

That’s a promise I’m making myself this year — to get my work out there, pushing aside dreams of glory and self-publishing success … and to regain my joy in creating worlds again.

Wish me luck.

Elizabeth Tai writes Science Fiction as Tai Weiland. For more, visit http://taiweiland.weebly.com/

Pinterest : A Thousand Words

by K A Hart


Sometimes I wish I’d pursued the art of painting or drawing earlier in my life. Now, don’t get me wrong. I can whip up a beautiful and intricate landscape of rolling hills or a spring garden brimming with colourful flowers and doting bees. My talents even extend to the chaos of war where hundreds of warriors clash for their king’s victory. 

There’s just a small problem. 

I’m the only one who can see it because it’s all in my mind.

As a child, my best friend and I lived mostly outdoors. We had overactive imaginations. We’d gallivant across the yard and play elaborate games, saving animals from bushfires and cyclones. Our bikes were shape-shifters. They’d transform into any animal we required for our daring rescues. Hay castles. Tractor monsters. Everything we could imagine was possible.

As I’ve grown older, it’s become harder to create those worlds. Worlds need to make sense. They need to have a purpose and I’ve become limited by my own experiences. I now need to write things down or the ideas become lost in the everyday rush and often, those thoughts written into words don’t fully capture what I’ve imagined.

That’s when I discovered Pinterest. Finally, some place to collect pictures, ideas, and information all into one place.

I can search through Pinterest and find almost any picture, article or website related to a keyword. I’ve then been able to set up files or boards where I can save them as pictures around a particular topic. As I’m a visual person, I’ve found it beneficial to set up boards for my novel ideas, character development, even possible locations. This has given me the ability to find pictures that look similar to my hero/heroine and the possible settings of their adventure (this has been invaluable as my WIP plays out in desert, forest and mountain scapes). I used to become stuck on how an action scene might look like. Not any more. 

I have to laugh at some of the things I’ve searched for on google. Who knew there were so many creative ways to drown someone … Maybe that’s why I like Pinterest so much. I can have a public board where anyone can see what goodies I’ve filed away or I can have secret boards. Every story I have written is hidden away from prying eyes. Even those I haven’t written yet. NO SPOILERS. I can always change them later to be public, so readers can see the thought process behind the novel.

When I’m not sure where to go with my story, I can add a friend to the board to help collaborate the obstacles my hero/heroine has to overcome. If I ever have the opportunity to co-author a novel, this would be a great way to correlate our ideas.

Writing can be very lonely and isolating if you let it. Most days I like it this way, though sometimes I’ve needed some guidance. I’ve joined a writing group of talented ladies who have encouraged, on an occasion nagged and for the better part, inspired me to reach beyond what I thought possible. If you haven’t yet joined one, now is the time to do so. But when we’ve all said our goodbyes and I sit back down at my laptop, I have those odd doubts as to why I’m doing this at all. There are so many inspiring pictures and words I’ve been able to capture, which help to remind me of this amazing gift God has given me.

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.

1 Corinthians 12:4-6 (NIV)

It’s great to be able to keep all my favourite blogs in one place. All those insightful ideas on how to enhance my writing and the words of encouragement from those who have travelled before me. 

I’ve found myself up at one or two in the morning, surfing the web for information about something vital to the success of my hero/heroine’s journey. Moon phases and their meaning have been a particularly sore subject for my WIP. I’ve been able to find quite a few articles and pictures around this subject. The ease in which I linked these to my chosen board for perusal later was amazing. No more keeping a tab open or saving the website to favourites - what if I didn’t like it?

I’ve never been short on ideas - I have enough novel outlines saved on my computer to last me at least a decade. Short stories however, aren’t my strong point and when I have writers block (yes, it’s a thing), Pinterest has been a great resource to help spark my imagination again.

I’ve said it before. I’m a visual person. I now have an entire wall filled with pictures I’ve found on Pinterest. It depicts the storyline of my WIP and helps me stay focused on the big picture. If you ever come to visit, I might just show you.

Still hesitant? Come and have a look at my Pinterest page kahartauthor. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Find fifty you like? You might just have a novel.

If you already use Pinterest, how has it helped you in your writing journey?








K A Hart's first short story, Stone Bearer, appears in Glimpses of Light and another soon to be released in one of the Missed Blessings anthologies. She is currently working on a fantasy novel.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kahartauthor/

That Elusive Creative Spark (Sue Jeffrey)

Amber, my own petulant cat,
and resident 'mews'.

I recently read through a wonderful series of mystery/crime thrillers by Canadian author, Louise Penny. Her Chief Inspector Gamache books are unusual in that the main character isn’t full of angst. He doesn’t drink to excess, smoke or sabotage every relationship he comes across. In fact he’s well adjusted, loves his wife and recites poetry, although this doesn’t stop his whole world from collapsing on occasion. The books are fabulous. But I digress.

I read three of the series while scrambling to complete NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) the goal of which is to write 50 000 words in one month. Now Nano (as it’s affectionately called) doesn't tend to allow time for reading. Usually the pile of books beside the bed, or in my case the line up on my Kindle, grows or at least remains static, as every ounce of energy is pressed into writing copious amounts of prose. 

But … I was stuck.

I’d spent the lead-up to Nano on another project. I had a vague idea in mind and thought I’d try out the pantser rather then the plotter approach. I began okay. I wrote a few thousand words but then they dried up. I felt as if I was writing rubbish and I hated it. I tried starting in a different point of the narrative. Yes, I could write pretty prose but my sense of story had deserted me. I panicked and jumped into another project and it flowed for a few thousand words but again my inspiration vanished. Throw in a flare of a chronic illness and I was not a happy writer.

My muse had deserted me – rotten thing – just when I needed it most.

Now I don’t personally think that The Muses, in the classical form of nine Greek goddesses, inspire the arts and sciences. As a Christian I believe that my ultimate muse is the Holy Spirit and he never leaves me. But for whatever reason my creative spark had been extinguished and I couldn’t figure out how to reignite the pilot light.

Now each time I’ve attempted Nano, it’s been more about my writing process than completing a usable novel in the time period. I’ve learned a lot about what helps and hinders my creative process. This time was no exception.

One friend suggested that I should think of my muse as a petulant cat. You can’t make a cat do anything. You have to cajole them and rub them around the ears and tickle their tummy. Then they might comply. So I tried to relax, put my feet up, do a bit of reading, which happened to include Louise Penny’s, The Long Way Home.

Essentially the plot follows a search for an artist, Peter Morrow, who is missing. As the detectives, Peter’s wife, and some friends look for him it becomes apparent that he has been on a quest in search of his muse, the creative spark that will set his work apart.

I won’t tell you the ending as it would spoil it and I highly recommend you read the whole series from the beginning as knowing the people (um, I mean the characters) well adds depth to the story. But the book made me think about my creative process. Peter was searching for a way out of his stuck-ness and essentially that involved deconstructing his perfectionist technique and finding the heart and emotion in his work.

I certainly struggle with perfectionism in my writing. I have an overactive inner editor who wants me to ‘get it right’ or not do it at all. I find it difficult to embrace the freedom that allows me to write a chaotic, messy first draft. But I believe it’s important to find that freedom. In fact I think it’s mandatory if our writing is to have the creative flair that sets it apart from a thousand other well-written stories.

This, for me, is the value of NaNoWriMo. You can try things you wouldn't normally try. 

In the midst of my stuck-ness I found that I had 8000 words to write and two days to go. I thought it was impossible.

‘Can’t do it,’ the inner editor said. ‘Just watch the cricket and be done with it.’

But something happened. I locked the fiend in a soundproofed cage and wrote. Even if I thought it was rubbish, I wrote. The result was a new approach to a story and a much more original main character. And I made the words easily. Whodathunk?

NaNoWriMo might not be your thing but I’d like to know how you tame your inner editor. What strategies do you use to silence her/him when writing a first draft? How do you ignite that elusive creative spark?

Sue Jeffrey was born in Scotland but moved to Brisbane, Australia with her family when she was just a wee lass. After a childhood spent reading, drawing and accumulating stray animals, Sue studied veterinary science and later moved to Adelaide where she worked as both a vet and a pastor. After a sojourn of several years in the Australian Capital Territory, Sue returned to Adelaide with two dogs, a very nice husband, and a deep desire to write. Sue has a MA in creative writing and her short stories and poems have appeared in several anthologies including Tales of the Upper Room, and Something in the Blood: Vampire Stories With a Christian Bite. Her e-book Ruthless The Killer: A Short Story is available on Amazon.com. Sue also paints animal portraits.