Me Too

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net/FrameAngel

Well, me too. How ‘bout that?

It’s a subject I notice Christians seem to be skirting around, not addressing from any aspect, let alone a scriptural one.

So…me too. I’m one of tens of millions, probably more. For women in this lucky country…Australia…the figure sits at a disturbing one in five women. Look around you. Yes, you! In Church. Look around you. One in five females has been a victim of sexual violence. That’s not counting every-day, garden-variety sexual harassment. If we factor that in, I reckon the figure is more like one in one. That’s all of us. Married. Single. Engaged. Divorced. It doesn’t matter. We’re all ‘fair game.’

The ‘Me Too’ campaign has erupted in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein expose. In case you haven’t caught up on the news this fortnight and don’t know who Weinstein is, I’ll briefly recap.

Harvey Weinstein is a vastly successful, renowned and widely lauded movie producer. He is, of course, also immensely wealthy. That goes with the territory.

So too, it seems, does an enormous sense of entitlement that underpins the ugly underbelly of the current climate of rampant narcissistic machismo that sets the tone for our entertainment industry. He has, seemingly without reservation, propositioned, touched, threatened and downright sexually assaulted (let’s call it for what it is…raped!) huge numbers of actresses…sorry ‘actor is now the politically correct term. But the ‘actors’ he targets are all female. So far he’s been accused by around 50 women and that figure is escalating by the day.

Some of his targets have tried to report his actions. Others have been cowed. The overwhelming complicity from other men in the industry is, possibly, even more disturbing (and I’ll never watch another Matt Damon movie again. And then there’s Tarantino, not so much of a surprise but a bigger disappointment, given the sway he holds in the industry. He’s sorry now, but hey, too late). They knew. They observed. They were told. But they did nothing. It would compromise their careers if they did. Actually, I have that wrong. They did more than nothing. They actively worked to cover up Weinstein’s sexual abuse and harassment. And so, these women were left unprotected…un-championed. Disbelieved. And so they were shut up.

The real ‘shock’, however, (not to me) is that women the world over…ordinary women with ordinary jobs and lives and families, experience the same humiliation and degradation that well-known actresses are only just now feeling safe enough to expose. Think about that. Wealthy, ’perfect’ women in privileged positions, living fairy-tale lives, are only just now gaining the fortitude and courage to tell the sordid stories that are part and parcel of their daily existence.

Their stories have been enormously triggering for women and girls the world over. Add to that the widespread lack of empowerment the average woman experiences, even in this so-called enlightened age, where women are supposedly valued and equal…and you have a seething, boiling, wave of anger and resentment that is gaining momentum with every ‘me too’ posted on social media. Many of us don’t know what to do with the pain that is rising to the surface; pain we bury deep in order to survive just being female in this world. We desperately hope the whole thing doesn’t just fizzle and die, and yet, it may well do.

I have absolutely no idea how I would navigate life with its everyday experiences that include, for me as for so many, the degradation and humiliation of being reduced to an object of little value; something to be judged, sentenced, tortured and humiliated by the very beings God put on this earth to protect me and provide for me - I do not know how I would have survived so far without Jesus. I truly don’t.

I’ve worked in a Christian counselling environment wherein I was entrusted with the files and stories of hundreds of people, right here where I live, in this small, conservative, and overwhelmingly Christian city. If you’re under the illusion things are vastly different in Christian communities, please think again. The complicity of the Christian hierarchy mirrors that of the secular world. In many ways, it’s worse. There’s more than just a cover up. There is enablement through lack of condemnation for the perpetrators’ actions, a noticeable absence of any consequences and a widespread hushing up of victims.

Overall, there’s still a distressing tendency for the blame to be placed on ‘Eve’. Where there is seduction, she (the woman), is all-too-often deemed the temptress, even if she has rebuffed the advances. If sexual harassment has taken place and is made public, it’s overwhelmingly the woman who loses face, support and fellowship within the Church. She is far too often cast out of the community…while ‘he’ remains in leadership and worship positions. He is forgiven and allowed to continue his spiritual life, without missing a beat. She is left floundering, wandering alone in the desert…to pick up the threads…start a new life…somewhere else where she hopes they know nothing of her past.

Yes, I have witnessed it. Yes, I have experienced it. Not just harassment (as if that’s a trivial thing?) but sexual abuse and rape. I’m here. I’m raw. I’m telling it like it is.

I’ve experienced it first hand, and through the stories of hundreds of others.

So, yes. Me too. I have a tender saviour, who holds me so gently, and yet with such power and strength. In the final analysis, I’m okay.

But the Body of Christ has the distraught and damaged spirits of many of its women to answer for. We cry out for understanding and help. We reach out, mostly, to each other – other women who feel our feminine pain.

And yet…it is not yet enough.

I don’t propose to have the answers or the expertise to suggest a course of action but I do feel compelled to bring this issue before you all; to ask the question; to open the dialogue. We have an opportunity to be part of a massive wave of change and healing that will benefit the entire Christian community. Half the body of Christ is deeply wounded…and floundering.

Let’s go to Jesus with that, shall we? Men and women alike.

To be right? Or right with God?

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net/Stuart Miles

By Melinda Jensen

Writers are a pedantic lot. We have to be. We spend endless hours not just crossing t's and dotting i's but also meditating on metaphors, being punctilious about punctuation, honing in on history and all manner of tedious activities in the hope of catching the elusive eye of that most pedantic of all creatures – the publisher.

The competition we face is tremendous. It's huge, totally awesome; no competition is bigger than ours - :) If we neglect our perfectionist tendencies, we simply won't be published. Our manuscript will be tossed aside faster than Donald Trump's hair in a wind gust.

And we'd better get our facts straight because somewhere, sometime, our readers will know we got it wrong, and our credibility will slink out the door with our 'tale' between its legs.

I suspect many who nurse a deep-rooted longing to write are born with this predisposition towards perfectionism. After nature has stamped us, nurture follows up with admirable efficiency. We're both blessed and doomed.

When we're wearing our writers' robes, attention to detail is very much a blessing. It's when we swap those robes for our everyday garb that our pedantry can get us into trouble. Because it's such a life-long habit, one we generally view as a virtue, we often miss the damage it can do to relationships.

Does it really matter if our non-writer friends misspell a word or get the punctuation wrong in their posts? When they've expressed an impassioned opinion, does it uplift them to be on the receiving end of criticism? Or would they feel as though we've completely missed their point, and therefore misunderstood them, by focusing on what they perceive as irrelevant detail? What does it say about us as Christians if we're perceived as 'dis'-couragers instead of 'en'-couragers? Will non-Christians assume our dogmatism in one area also translates to dogmatism in our religious beliefs? I suspect they would.

I know how I feel (embarrassed and indignant) when I share a post that has six out of seven facts correct but one is a bit dubious ... and someone simply will not let it go! I'll quite likely be aware of its imperfection before I post it, but expect my friends, especially my Christian friends, to use some discernment in looking for the message; the underlying sentiment.

Courtesy FreeDigitalPhotos.net/StuartMiles

In fact it's my own recent experience with being 'pulled up' abruptly and publicly by someone I respect that led to looking at my own culpability in this area. No matter how long and hard I tried to explain the deeper message, and implore my friend to understand that I don't have time to completely reconstruct a facebook meme copied from someone else's page, her focus remained resolutely on an unimportant detail. It gave the wrong impression, she said. I clearly didn't check my facts, she said. It was fake news, she said. You're wrong, she said! And I, of course, desperately wanted to be right.

I struggled with how to respond in the face of such unnecessary conflict and like to think I stopped short of responding like a petulant child. But my inner child was, indeed, very much wounded.

Yet, at some point in this painful process, I came to understand that my friendship was far more important than continuing to argue over who was right and who was wrong. I stepped back and perceived that my friend was suffering too. She had a deep-seated need to point out the 2% of my post that was inaccurate and no doubt believed she was doing the right thing in revealing my 'error'.

So I conceded her point, telling her I understood now exactly what she meant and appreciated the time and effort she'd put into our conversation. In truth, I understood what she meant from the beginning but was too busy defending myself to notice.

My friend might just as easily have conceded the point first but she was too wrapped up in her own quest for perfection, and the need to be 'right'. One of us had to budge, otherwise our friendship was doomed.

Shortly after, my conscience began to reveal the times I'd been the one to unnecessarily correct another person over trivial issues, and I'm ashamed to say I recalled far too many instances. With that revelation I was confronted with all the pain I'd caused. It wasn't one of my finer moments.

Courtesy FreeDigitalPhotos.net/StuartMiles

The pedantic nature of writers is utterly integral to the writing process and is therefore a gift and a blessing. But like all aspects of human nature, it has a dark side; the negative side that

damages relationships in its egocentric push to be right.

We need to discern whether it's worth risking any ensuing emotional damage; and whether or not our 'correction' really clarifies an issue in any important way.

When we wound each other with our pedantry we use our words in a way God did not intend for His children, especially those children to whom he has given the gift of expressing those very words. We can uplift each other as writers by proofreading and editing one another's work; and feed that pedantic little inner monster inside us to our hearts' content. But outside that context we need to exercise wisdom.

God's own Word is very clear about His expectations regarding the way his people use words.

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. (Proverbs 18:13)

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.' (Ephesians 4:29)

'Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. (Proverbs 17:27)

As writers, we have a choice to make. Do we want to be merely 'right'? Or right with God?

Melinda writes both fiction and non-fiction, along with the odd poem. She has been published on a modest number of occasions, largely short stories and poetry. She does however, harbour a keen desire to write fantasy with an environmental theme for young readers, and is currently creating two such novels. This year's major project however, is a 'how-to' for adults, written from her own experience.

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net/StuartMiles