Suffocating Creativity.

I never thought I'd ever say it. But I did. 
Two weeks ago. Right before putting on my happy face (or at least for those who saw it, it was supposed to be my happy face) and heading off to a conference to celebrate the very thing I'd just said I didn't want to do any more.
My confession is this: I actually said the following words:
"I don't want to be a writer any more."
Did I mean it? 
Well, yes. I did. And the feeling, as unusual as it was (and somewhat confusing too because 'being a writer' has been my 'heart-thing' for so, so long) lingered longer than to be just a writer's gloom comment. 
So what was going on?
On reflection I think I've identified three things contributing to my despondent confession: depression, fatigue and wordly overdose.

Depression:

I know how you feel.

Depression can almost be standard issue for writers. We tend to experience it in waves and cycles, I think it is part of our creative make up to see and feel the world deeply, and this has consequences. (Please note that if your depression is deep and ongoing then medical/psychological support can be extremely beneficial.) For me I know I need to monitor my mental health; I need to eat well, sleep well, take care of my introverted self which sometimes just needs to soak in silence and stillness without interruption. Prior to my "I don't want to be a writer" confession these factors had been out of balance, especially the introvert-self-care, so I was feeling low. I don't know about you, but when I'm feeling low I need creativity. And that would have been easy to fix if it wasn't for...

Fatigue:
I read somewhere, I can't find it now (don't you hate that?), that fatigue is one of the biggest killers of creativity. For me this is probably magnified. I'm a big sleep person. Always have been. I can't wake early and write (just visit me at 7:15 one morning and you'll see why that is) and I can't write at night because ideas keep me awake. So I have to write during the day - but I have three children. Add to this equation several writing deadlines that ate up every inch of rest time (and introvert recuperation time) and you'll understand why I was tired. 
Writing for me requires (celebrates?) creativity. Normally I'd rave to you about how much I love story, and ideas and thinking up new ways of expressing truth in fiction. But burn me out with fatigue and I just want to crawl up and hide. But hide I could not because I had...

Have you bitten off a bit much?

Wordly Overdose:
Emails, books, social media all crowded around me demanding I think up correctly worded responses and neatly summed up answers. Speak to me on a good day and I'll agree with you about the importance of an online presence, a faithful mailing list, marketing connections, promotional give-aways. But all of these require words, and if words are a writer's commodity - sometimes we can end up broke. Broke and badly in debt.

In the time since I've returned from the writer's conference I've had to work hard to restore a balance to my life and creativity; time on my own, paying back the debt of wordliness with silence, catching up on sleep etc. I'm aware that creativity is gradually creeping back in. But I can't take it for granted. 
Because, after all, I want to be a writer. 

What sucks the life out of your writing ambition? What are the warning signs for you, and how do you recharge/realign your creativity? 

Penny Reeve is a children's author currently living in Western Sydney. This week she hopes to read an Amanda Deed novel just because, watch the passion-fruits grow and enjoy her toddler's company.  You can   read more from Penny at her website, or facebook page.