Finding
Joy in the Battle
Early
April 2023:
Writing has many inspirations. It flows from life's interactions with people and experiences mixed with imagination and soul revelations. Often it is piqued by immersion in places where the grace of creation is as tangible as if you had just plunged into the deep dark, chilling pool of a high mountain stream. You are awakened to the world of pleasure and pain, colours and textures, light and shades, tastes and delights, olfactory joys and testing journeys. Your Spirit alive. Made aware. Paraclete's presence. The Shalom of providential nurture. New season's fruits. A brave knowing. Deep calling to deep. Truth's entrusted. Echoes and the Original Voice. Love that calls for the wild. Abandonment to Passion's perspective. The Greatest thing. Giving of Life.
I mentioned in my previous Christian Writers Downunder Blog post (January 2023) about the challenge of having several close family members who had received devastating cancer diagnoses. I used this reality to help punctuate my post about writers having the opportunity to provide the gift of ‘a different narrative’.
The
messages coming from the medical prognosis of our loved ones was that they were
sick, very sick, and were facing significant challenges and were emotionally
and physically overwhelming.
As I
wrestled with all this, I wrote. In fact, I think I wrestled with all these
emotions and thoughts by writing. I present here some of my wrestling for you.
19th
April 2023:
Days end is
a moment to pause and listen and read the signature messages of omnipresent
love. A new day starts. Years are chapters in libraries full of wonder.
Early
March 2023:
This year’s
Shave for a cure was the most personal fundraising and advocacy I have been
involved in . I went bald to help raise support for Cancer research. Several of
my close family members and friends have experienced their own personal battles
with Cancer. This has included my Mum, our daughter and my wife’s sister. It
has been a challenging season. That is why I chose to shave my head this year
for raising support for a cure for cancer.
Sometime this
year:
Peace!
Our
understanding is simply surpassed by the heaven-sent love actuality that
establishes, grounds us, perfects us, empowers us beyond any human potentiality.
The
peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and
your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is
noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is
admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Philippians
4
Earlier
in March 2023 :
In 2022 our
daughter was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. This is a type of cancer that
affects the lymphatic system, which is part of the body's germ-fighting immune
system. In Hodgkin's lymphoma, white blood cells called lymphocytes grow out of
control, causing swollen lymph nodes and growths throughout the body.
…….Our
daughter has undergone treatment while pregnant which has been a huge
challenge. But she is amazing, responding well to treatments, and our little
grand daughter was born in November. There is joy in the battle.
We are so
thankful that research, treatment, care and prayer have combined for a good
healthy future for our daughter.
However,
with no screening programs available and no means of prevention through
lifestyle changes, blood cancer continues to be Australia's hidden cancer
crisis.
Every day,
53 Aussies are diagnosed with blood cancer, and 16 will lose their life.
BTW our
Daughter completed her treatments last Thursday 🙂
23rd February 2023 (Our Daughter wrote this):
“Today I had
my last dose of chemo. I’ve got my next PET scan next month, which (I hope)
will confirm that I’m in complete remission!
Life is full
of many battles, and for me this was a big one that I know I’ll never forget.
I’m so
blessed to have so many wonderful friends and family members who have been
praying and caring for me and our little family over the past 7 months. And to
all of the health care workers, doctors and nurses who have been going through
this journey with me, I thank you for all of your support, care and positivity.
You’ve made the situation that much easier to deal with.
Whatever
you’re going through, whatever fight you might be fighting, keep fighting it,
because coming through the battle field and knowing that you’ve won is a great
feeling!”
It was
a brave, hope-filled, prayer-like, inspiring narrative.
Early in February I had written:
One of the
powers of Grace is that omnipotence surpasses circumstances. A simple knowing.
In the most horrific of battles .....Joy.
The trick is
that we simply need to be still enough to see it, hear it, know it and let this
knowing spring forth. Like a seed that takes root, grows and flourishes even in
what seems to be the most impossible of spaces.
In Mid
January 2023 our
Daughter was losing her hair as a result of her chemo treatment, My Mum had
just undergone major and invasive surgery and I was praying, wrestling with all
the internal emotions and writing…… :
When the sky
displays colours that make you stop in your sandy tracks......
I want to
make sure I pause long enough to not just admire the beauty, but breathe in a
fresh resolve that my gratitude is constantly superceded by heaven's
providential grace. Even when the going is hard, I can exhale praise through
sighs, tears, groans and pain. When the frailty of our mortality is challenged,
somehow there is always joy. With each sigh there can be a smile, with each
smile a laugh, with each laugh a song, with each song a declarative shout that
all is well in my soul.
Another
breath, another truth, another day, another mercy. There are joys in our
battles, we must notice them through the war haze.
Peace beyond
reasoning.
Fix our gaze on heaven's displays of light. In
the darkest night we have the glow of our living, the presence of Love, the
personification of justice.
Hope clings
like a shawl, the warmth of sunset's awe, knowing that the morning brings the
sun again to amaze our senses and show a provision beyond our littleness.
An omniscient eternal potency of Creator's
nearness and care.
In December 2022
while I was praying for our daughter (and her husband) and their baby and my Mum in the midst of their health challenges I wrote something I would like to share with you. Something that echoes their challenges alongside the beauty of their womanhood and being “Mum":
My protagonist, Charlotte, is a 45 year old Medical Relief worker (a character I have been developing for several years). She has been taken captive and imprisoned in a stone and tin shed for 9 months. Why? She does not know. But she is desperate to find meaning in her incarceration.
I wrote as I wrestled:
All the
disparity of her captivity came upon her like a heavy wave of anxiety. In
crescendos it came with a morose dolefulness, a suffocating depression. That
sometimes heightened into desperation. On those days she would wake with her
pulse already escalated. Her breathing rapid and shallow and sometimes she
would be sweating even though the air was often cold, and she would yell and
scream, sometimes she would hit the walls. On one occasion she had given in to
this angst curled up foetal-like on the floor and then thrashed around like a
toddler in torment.
When she had
calmed herself through her tears, she tried to remember times of freedom.
The day she
remembered was her birthday. The emotion she experienced was elation. It was
relief. She remembered her birthday all those years ago as she sat in an
aircraft cockpit beside her pilot directing his concern for where they would
land. Their payload were the rescued souls of her tribal friends. Hunted. Now
refugees. Seeking safety. A new space to live. Redeemed and about to remake
their lives in a valley that had been purged of peoples. It lay quiet,
secluded, unknown to the outside world. A space of healing and a new start for
them. And she realised this was in her favour to. The flat fields of rice below
were wet, very wet, sodden. Streams were full. Overflowing. The large columns
of dark clouds above were pregnant with flooding offspring.
Her memory
moved to years before as she breathed deeply of the smell of the wet season
beginning in earnest. She was remembering walking in one of those villages. The
village she would help rebuild and repopulate with new families.
Children ran
up to her and around her. The dirt track was muddied, pot marked and slippery.
The children weaved around her, carefully jumped over puddles, and eagerly
called her name. Those who dared or were pushed by their jovial friends touched
her fair skin. They pretended to walk like her flicking their dark locks of
hair to make fun and show attention to her long blonde hair. The smallest of
her new friends was pushed into her by one of the more boisterous older girls.
The little girl had begun to sob until Charlotte had smiled at her, taken an
ink stamp from her bag and stamped the love heart icon on her own hand. As the
little one reached out her hand, she stamped her hand too. They then walked
hand in hand through the village to the little girl’s hut. What ensued remained
a vivid blessing to her senses.
The little
girl's mother had met her at their hut entrance. She had reached out her hand
in greeting. But to Charlotte’s surprise had bypassed the rudimentary western
greeting of a handshake and had moved closer and more intimately to place her
hand fully on Charlotte's lower abdomen. In her simple English the mother had
spoken to Charlotte's umbilical region through her hand.
“Your womb
will be blessed !”
The
beautiful young mother had then seemed even more so to Charlotte. Aglow in what
seemed a prophetic, mystical glow. She was a small lady. Her sinewy form showed
tender nurturing softness despite the years of hard work she had accomplished
already in her short life. Charlotte reasoned that she was probably her age but
had already born several children herself. The mother looked lovingly into
Charlotte's eyes and smiled a well-attended pretty joy that spread from her
mouth to her cheeks to the creases at the corners of her eyes, from her temples
to her ears, and wrinkled her graceful neck and collarbone.
“You are
going to be mother to many children.” She said.
The authority she announced this statement with shook Charlotte to her core. She felt something had happened in her innermost being. It was unsettling. Almost amorous. Like she had just been touched internally. She reasoned back then that it was a simple hormonal flush. It seemed cold and warm all at the same time. It was as if electricity had flowed into her organs. She had released a sigh back then, all those years ago when she was just a 20 something thinking how she would love a child, but one day. Maybe.
If only she was able.
In my
Christian writers post at the beginning of this year I had written :
As
writers we have the opportunity to provide the gift of ‘a different narrative’
that blesses others with sustainable and engaging hope-empowerment: One about
changing the world. After all, core to our faith existence is ‘good’ news.
On Good
Friday this year I wrote :
Just as
children reflect, grow and flourish in the love and life they receive in the
nurture of their family. Just like how little Lilliana (our Grand daughter) is
loved by her Mummy and Daddy, an astounding testament of poured out,
sacrificial love through the battles for health to bring life. I pause today to
be grateful for Saviour's love. May my life and living be an abundant testament
of this Love. May my living be a shalom of established, radical,
justice-bringing, humble, kindnesses. May I be like this little bundle of
blessing: simply bringing joy in our lives.
I love
telling stories of how our community and others are addressing issues, the ways
being attempted to fix things, the change being made, and stories about the
people being helped and helping others. The truth is, how we tell a story has
the ability to either give or take power away from us, our view of reality and
therefore, who we become.
On March
30th 2023 (Our Daughter shared more of her story):
“For those
who are curious, I got my results back today from my PET Scan, and they confirm
that I’m in remission!”
As my wife and I sat in the glow of the closing day our daughter's message washed over us like the waves caressing the rocks at the Mooloolaba Spit.
Our sunset walk will forever be memorialised not
for the beauty of day's end , and not just the end of the battle, but that a
joy-filled new season of life is assured
My
response :
All Creation may be groaning, here in you is a JOY and Grace that is Simply an astounding testament of embracing through battles. Standing apart is never alone. Together with each of you as a family. All of us as family. Friendship enlivened to a resurrection hope. A redemption realised. A strength emboldened. Together in a war. We stand together. We would no matter what . The family of dolphins that just rose here in the sunset testify too. Kiss of Heaven. Creator's breath. Healer's touch. Saviour's love. All our love. Thankyou ."
Shalom
Now
faith is the assurance (title deed, confirmation) of things hoped for (divinely
guaranteed), and the evidence of things not seen [the conviction of their
reality—faith comprehends as fact what cannot be experienced by the physical
senses].
Hebrews
11:1
