Don't Give Up

A number of years ago, I attended Bible College. I was very aware of when our first assessment was due, but when the time came to submit it, I purposely made a quick beeline for the door.  I was literally terrified of the pastor reading my work. “I am not good enough.  My writing is not good enough.  I hate being vulnerable.  I am not spiritual enough.  I hate people seeing into my heart.” Just as I reached the door, however, I heard “Has everyone done their assignments?” Very reluctantly, I turned, and gave it to the pastor, my heart hammering in my chest, as the negative self talk pervaded. 

  Fast forward a couple of weeks, and it was time to receive our results. The lecturer began to talk about the assignments we had submitted.  He majored on one in particular, and mentioned how well written it was, etc.  I was sitting there, sick with nerves, and sure that I had not done a good enough job.  Our assessments were returned to us, and I could not believe my eyes! It was my work that he had been talking about! My work! The essay that I thought was not good enough! This boosted my confidence. However, it would be many years before I could happily let others see my work, without the awful nerves and feeling of dread. (I still experience this, but to a much lesser degree!)

A couple of years earlier, I had rather tentatively enrolled in a free mail order writing course.  For over a year, they sent me regular correspondence, and would you believe, I just filed all of it, unopened. It sat in my filing cabinet like that, for years! Eventually they stopped sending mail to me.  Not surprisingly! Why didn’t I open it? The same reasons that I used at Bible College.  I was too afraid.  Of what?  Failure. Inadequacy. Disappointment. Judgement.  Vulnerability. Despite all of these negative thoughts, a seed had been planted. Maybe God wanted me to write. Really? Me write? It was only a tiny seed, but it had none the less found a lodging place.  Just not a very fertile one!

I talked to a girl at Church, a number of years later.   Lo and behold she was a writer.  During the course of our conversation, we realised that we had a mutual friend, and the two of them were getting together regularly to share their love of, and to encourage each other in their writing. I was invited to join them.  And I did, very nervously and apprehensively.  They were both successful writers, who had work published. And they even studied writing! They graciously made me welcome and encouraged me. But who would be interested in anything I had to say? And what did I have to say any way? The same old fears resurfaced. However, with the encouragement of my very patient writing friends, I began to write a few short non-fiction stories and bravely submitted my work to different publications.  And it was accepted.  Wow! I was a published author. But still a very reluctant and fearful one.  As a number of years passed, my friends continued to nag (sorry, encourage) me. And I continued to write, albeit infrequently, and was very grateful to have more of my work published.

I am currently in the throes of writing a devotional book.  This has long been my desire.  One that has burned in my heart, intermittently, for the last 20 years.  It is exciting to see this dream coming to fruition at long last. My encouragement to you is to follow your dreams.  Persist.  Persevere. Don’t give up. Everyone has a story to tell. My journey has been very long and slow, and at times painful.  A number of times I gave up hope of ever achieving my dream but God had different ideas and kept pursuing me, and encouraging me through different people and situations. My desire was bought to life again, resurrected when I thought is was impossible. God has taught me a lot over the years and I am now more confident to open my heart and share things He has done.  I believe that we are blessed to be a blessing. And if someone can be blessed through reading something I have written, I am responsible to write what God has laid on my heart.   God is good and faithful.  Follow the dream He has placed in your heart.  He will use your writing for His glory, and it will be a blessing to others. Don’t give up!

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Janelle Moore lives in Toowoomba, Queensland with her husband and their two teenagers.  She enjoys writing devotions and short non-fiction works, often using her children and their antics as her inspiration.