The Hover Manoeuvre

 

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As writers, our pens and keyboards are our mouthpieces, and just as ‘death and life are in the power of the tongue’ (Proverbs 18:21), so too are death and life in the power of everything we scribble or tap out, often with little thought.

It seems to me that social media encourages some fairly loose tongues to be converted to some equally destructive words on the screen. The effect is often instant and, once out there in cyber-space, it’s hard to take those words back or pretend the comment was never made. A quick search through someone’s social media posts can reveal much about a person’s attitudes. It’s a snapshot of the soul. And that should give us pause for thought.

 

 

It should also keep our fingers hovering above the keyboard until we’ve thought through our reactive responses. It’s so much easier to blurt out an indignant comeback when we’re not up close and personal with our alleged adversaries. Anonymity gives us false security and an overinflated sense of our own outrage and courage. Keyboard warriors abound and sadly, Christians are not exempt.

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In the current state of a country (indeed, a world) under significant stress, I am witnessing more and more people being attacked over their differing political and social views. Disagreement is fine. Judgement is not. Ridicule is not. Insults and put downs are definitely a no-go area, and unfounded accusations and outright abuse are serious boundary transgressions. They hurt! Scripture is extremely clear on this point.

James 1:26 speaks out strongly!

‘If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.’

 

 Proverbs 15:1 makes our responsibility clearer still.

‘A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.’

 

Does it mean we need to be silent on important issues? Not at all.

Anger, in and of itself, is not sin. The way we express it, however, can be, and too often is. I wish I could say I’m not guilty of this particular transgression but I am. I confess I’m extremely frustrated with people posting about their inalienable rights to not wear a mask, use social distancing and hand sanitizer, and to flout the gathering size regulations, all requirements that have entered our reality since the advent of COVID19. If you could only hear the words buffeting around inside my head as I hover my hands over the keyboard, you might be a little shocked.

Ten years ago, I’d have ‘let rip’. And, shamefully, I may even have been proud of it, as difficult as it is to admit. These days I hover (mostly) and if, as I wrestle with myself, I can’t find a way to righteously express myself, I scroll on by. Not every post needs my questionable wisdom. It’s been a long and winding road, and one I see so many people, Christian or otherwise, struggle to navigate.

I’ve found the following Scripture from Romans 12:20 particularly reassuring. It strengthens my resolve.

‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’

 

What if we witness a brother or sister mocking, judging or belittling someone who holds different views, on social media?

Galatians 6:1, directs us as follows:

‘Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.’

It’s not easy to find the right balance and sometimes, no matter which approach we use, it will fall on deaf ears and the online abuse will continue. What to do then? It seems harsh, but here it is.

Proverbs 22:10:

‘Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarrelling and abuse will cease.’

Clearly, when push comes to shove, abuse is not to be tolerated.  Do your best and if all else fails, hit that ‘unfriend’ button and reclaim your peace. But don’t forget to hover first. We might later regret a hasty decision and it will certainly be awkward to explain. Tricky, isn’t it?

Happy hovering!

Melinda Jensen

 

Melinda Jensen has blogged extensively on emotional and psychological abuse and is currently enjoying a sea change from writing fiction to writing non-fiction, self-development books. Who'd have thought? A keen student of human nature, she's had articles, short stories and poetry published in a variety of magazines, newspapers and journals, having juggled single-motherhood and chronic illness for about 25 years. She's still almost sane and definitely has a heart for God and a yearning to bring a couple of books to fruition this year. Apart from that, she's besotted with cats, makes jolly good fudge and is living her dream on an acre and a half of beautiful soil bordering rainforest. On that note, she’s extremely passionate about the natural environment God has gifted us all with.

 

 

Me Too

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Well, me too. How ‘bout that?

It’s a subject I notice Christians seem to be skirting around, not addressing from any aspect, let alone a scriptural one.

So…me too. I’m one of tens of millions, probably more. For women in this lucky country…Australia…the figure sits at a disturbing one in five women. Look around you. Yes, you! In Church. Look around you. One in five females has been a victim of sexual violence. That’s not counting every-day, garden-variety sexual harassment. If we factor that in, I reckon the figure is more like one in one. That’s all of us. Married. Single. Engaged. Divorced. It doesn’t matter. We’re all ‘fair game.’

The ‘Me Too’ campaign has erupted in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein expose. In case you haven’t caught up on the news this fortnight and don’t know who Weinstein is, I’ll briefly recap.

Harvey Weinstein is a vastly successful, renowned and widely lauded movie producer. He is, of course, also immensely wealthy. That goes with the territory.

So too, it seems, does an enormous sense of entitlement that underpins the ugly underbelly of the current climate of rampant narcissistic machismo that sets the tone for our entertainment industry. He has, seemingly without reservation, propositioned, touched, threatened and downright sexually assaulted (let’s call it for what it is…raped!) huge numbers of actresses…sorry ‘actor is now the politically correct term. But the ‘actors’ he targets are all female. So far he’s been accused by around 50 women and that figure is escalating by the day.

Some of his targets have tried to report his actions. Others have been cowed. The overwhelming complicity from other men in the industry is, possibly, even more disturbing (and I’ll never watch another Matt Damon movie again. And then there’s Tarantino, not so much of a surprise but a bigger disappointment, given the sway he holds in the industry. He’s sorry now, but hey, too late). They knew. They observed. They were told. But they did nothing. It would compromise their careers if they did. Actually, I have that wrong. They did more than nothing. They actively worked to cover up Weinstein’s sexual abuse and harassment. And so, these women were left unprotected…un-championed. Disbelieved. And so they were shut up.

The real ‘shock’, however, (not to me) is that women the world over…ordinary women with ordinary jobs and lives and families, experience the same humiliation and degradation that well-known actresses are only just now feeling safe enough to expose. Think about that. Wealthy, ’perfect’ women in privileged positions, living fairy-tale lives, are only just now gaining the fortitude and courage to tell the sordid stories that are part and parcel of their daily existence.

Their stories have been enormously triggering for women and girls the world over. Add to that the widespread lack of empowerment the average woman experiences, even in this so-called enlightened age, where women are supposedly valued and equal…and you have a seething, boiling, wave of anger and resentment that is gaining momentum with every ‘me too’ posted on social media. Many of us don’t know what to do with the pain that is rising to the surface; pain we bury deep in order to survive just being female in this world. We desperately hope the whole thing doesn’t just fizzle and die, and yet, it may well do.

I have absolutely no idea how I would navigate life with its everyday experiences that include, for me as for so many, the degradation and humiliation of being reduced to an object of little value; something to be judged, sentenced, tortured and humiliated by the very beings God put on this earth to protect me and provide for me - I do not know how I would have survived so far without Jesus. I truly don’t.

I’ve worked in a Christian counselling environment wherein I was entrusted with the files and stories of hundreds of people, right here where I live, in this small, conservative, and overwhelmingly Christian city. If you’re under the illusion things are vastly different in Christian communities, please think again. The complicity of the Christian hierarchy mirrors that of the secular world. In many ways, it’s worse. There’s more than just a cover up. There is enablement through lack of condemnation for the perpetrators’ actions, a noticeable absence of any consequences and a widespread hushing up of victims.

Overall, there’s still a distressing tendency for the blame to be placed on ‘Eve’. Where there is seduction, she (the woman), is all-too-often deemed the temptress, even if she has rebuffed the advances. If sexual harassment has taken place and is made public, it’s overwhelmingly the woman who loses face, support and fellowship within the Church. She is far too often cast out of the community…while ‘he’ remains in leadership and worship positions. He is forgiven and allowed to continue his spiritual life, without missing a beat. She is left floundering, wandering alone in the desert…to pick up the threads…start a new life…somewhere else where she hopes they know nothing of her past.

Yes, I have witnessed it. Yes, I have experienced it. Not just harassment (as if that’s a trivial thing?) but sexual abuse and rape. I’m here. I’m raw. I’m telling it like it is.

I’ve experienced it first hand, and through the stories of hundreds of others.

So, yes. Me too. I have a tender saviour, who holds me so gently, and yet with such power and strength. In the final analysis, I’m okay.

But the Body of Christ has the distraught and damaged spirits of many of its women to answer for. We cry out for understanding and help. We reach out, mostly, to each other – other women who feel our feminine pain.

And yet…it is not yet enough.

I don’t propose to have the answers or the expertise to suggest a course of action but I do feel compelled to bring this issue before you all; to ask the question; to open the dialogue. We have an opportunity to be part of a massive wave of change and healing that will benefit the entire Christian community. Half the body of Christ is deeply wounded…and floundering.

Let’s go to Jesus with that, shall we? Men and women alike.