Simplify Your Life

Recently I spoke at a Ladies Breakfast on the topic: Simplify your life . I expressed the thought that our lives would be less complex if we were better at saying “no”.

Here are a few reasons why we have trouble saying, “no”

1. We underestimate our schedule. Everything takes longer than we expect.
We have a saying in our house: Never sit in front of a computer and say this will only take a minute.

We live in a fallen world and everything takes longer than it should. Computer crash, cars break down, children are clumsy, and we don’t allow time for the unexpected. We assume everything is going to go perfectly according to plan. But it’s a wrong assumption, the world is not a perfect place and we need to have gaps in our schedule. Having more gaps will ensure that we are not constantly tired and feeling overwhelmed. We also need gaps in our schedule in case God bring someone to mind who needs an encouraging phone call or visit or maybe someone who needs our prayers.

2. Our self esteem is tied to what we do
In Isaiah 6 we find the familiar verse, "I’ll go. Send me!" (Isaiah 6:8). The Lord sent Isaiah, but told him people would not listen (v.9).

Isaiah’s mission was doomed from the beginning. Usually we expect that if God tells us to do something it will end in success and yet right from the start God tells Isaiah his mission would be a failure.

If Isaiah had been looking for his self esteem in his achievements, he was going to be severely disappointed. It is a trap that we often fall into, believing that we are only worthwhile as people if we are involved in something that is successful. But sometimes God calls us to do things that will not be successful in the world's eyes and we need to know that our significance as people is found in God and not in our achievements.

3. We keep ourselves busy because we are afraid to say “yes” to those things God wants us to do
We may feel challenged to become more committed about having a regular devotional time or prayer time or attending a Bible Study Group or becoming involved in a ministry. It is easy to say, I’m too busy to do anything else for God.

But perhaps God is asking us to stop doing some things so we do have time. We need to learn to say “no” to the unimportant so we have time to say “yes” to the important.

4. I’m afraid I’m not doing enough so I feel guilty when I say, “no”
If we measure our spirituality by what we do, we will find we can never do enough. It leads to the feeling that we are not good enough and that God is displeased with us. However if we focus on Jesus and all he has done for us, it leads to feelings of gratitude and the knowledge that though we can never repay him, we don’t need to.

5. Our friends, instead of encouraging us not to over schedule, actually make saying “no” more difficult
In the book of Philemon we find Paul is writing to his friend about Onesimus. Onesimus had been Philemon's slave who had apparently stolen from Philemon and then ran away. But in the amazing providence of God, Onesimus went to Rome, met Paul and became a Christian. Paul was now sending Onesimus back to Philemon. And he writes:

I would have liked to keep him with me so that he could take your place in helping me while I am in chains for the gospel. But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do would not seem forced but would be voluntary (v.13-14).

Paul didn't want to pressurize Philemon into helping him or doing him a favour. We do others a disservice when we presume upon their kindness or put them under some sort of obligation to assist even if it is for the cause of the gospel.

Hope these few thoughts help you to simplify your life.

Do Creative People Always Have To Say 'no'?

I recently read this interesting article, which was posted by one of our authors on FB, entitled ‘Creative People Say No’. https://medium.com/thoughts-on-creativity/bad7c34842a2.

It’s a challenging one and got me thinking. In it the author quotes various creative people who insist that saying ‘no’ is the cornerstone of their work, including Management writer Peter Drucker, who says : “…productivity in my experience consists of NOT doing anything that helps the work of other people but to spend all one’s time on the work the Good Lord has fitted one to do, and to do well.”

The article also included ideas which I resonate with to some degree, like ‘Creating consumes. It is all day, every day. It knows neither weekends nor vacations. It is not when we feel like it. It is habit, compulsion, obsession, vocation. The common thread that links creators is how they spend their time. No matter what you read, no matter what they claim, nearly all creators spend nearly all their time on the work of creation. There are few overnight successes and many up-all-night successes.’

The thread of this article is that as creators we must become very good at saying ‘no’ to those things which distract us from our creation. “Saying ‘no’ has more creative power than ideas, insights and talent combined. ‘No’ guards time, the thread from which we weave our creations. The math of time is simple: you have less than you think and need more than you know.”

The author of the article concludes “ Creators do not ask how much time something takes but how much creation it costs. This interview, this letter, this trip to the movies, this dinner with friends, this party…  How much less will I create unless I say “no?” A sketch? A stanza? A paragraph?... The answer is always the same: ‘yes’ makes less. We do not have enough time as it is. There are groceries to buy, families to love and day jobs to do. No makes us aloof, boring, impolite, unfriendly, selfish, anti-social, uncaring, lonely and an arsenal of other insults. But ‘no’ is the button that keeps us on.’

For years as a psychologist I’ve taught people about boundaries, and often have to return to my own words about the need to say ‘no’ to things that take time and resources away from the most important things in my life. Whether as Christians, parents, friends, or authors, it’s often a hard lesson to learn, and many of us find ourselves overwhelmed by other people’s agendas, to the detriment or our own calling, creative process, or energy. I don’t pretend to have this issue completely in balance in my life. But in the discussion of whether we support others in their creative work, I feel we need to be very careful not to go overboard on saying 'no'.

Of course we need to protect time that we can give to our writing, editing, planning of stories and then to promotion of our work. But I believe we must also remember that without the support of others; editors, publishers, promoters, and other writers who give great encouragement as well as their own precious time, none of us would succeed.

The creation of a work of art, be it writing, or any other project, may be the inspiration and vision of the writer, and no writer would dispute the enormous number of hours we need for our writing, the agony and ecstasy of digging deeper and deeper into ourselves for creative ways to present our stories, the ominous task of editing over and over again, the painstaking planning and execution of promotion.

However, surely most writers would acknowledge the absolute necessity of the support of others in the completion of our art. What if others always said ‘no’ to our requests to read our work, to give feedback, to consider publishing, to review, to promote through their own networks? I cannot overestimate the help and support I have received from other writers, readers, promoters, not to mention my publisher.  I feel that being part of a writing community, supporting each other and achieving something together for the world of publishing, reading and writing, is very worthwhile. I believe this is a vision we share together, a calling we have from God to share ideas, stories and challenges to a reading public, and I can see that together we can achieve so much more than any of us can achieve alone.

So in this case, in spite of any teaching I’ve given on boundaries – and I certainly believe we must be good at setting boundaries in our lives – I think we must be very careful that we acknowledge the value of saying ‘yes’ to helping the work of other people.

Carol Preston

With thanks to all those who have said ‘yes’ to helping me create, publish and promote my Turning The Tide series of historical novels.

www.carolpreston.com.au
www.amazon.com/author/carolpreston