A magical idea strikes me. I run to my laptop before inspiration can leave. Well, “run” isn't the best word for it... it's more of a slow shamble while my vision blurs and the ground sways beneath me. Did I mention the pictures on the wall seem to expand and loom over me? That's not normal, right? Laptop in hand I settle onto my blue fainting couch. The battery's dead and the cord's all the way in my room. I consider the idea of crawling over walking but decide crawling would take more energy. Computer charging, I drink some water, careful to avoid sensitive areas. Finally, I open a new post. Time to write. What was that magical idea again?
It's gone! I tell myself to write anyway, a writer must write despite inspiration.
I struggle through a sentence, a paragraph. I make the writer's mortal sin- I edit instead of just getting the words out. I shuffle sentences around, try to find a better beginning. I am focusing on too many subjects for one post. Gah! I delete everything and start again. I can feel the story churning but an hour passes and I still can't form anything. The words won't flow. My worst fear is realized. I can't write.
Pain begins to throb through my jaw. An alarm goes off on my phone, time for more pills. I chug some water and swallow a handful of meds. The pain edges away again to be replaced by a swimming head and a roller coaster of emotions. The blank screen expands just like the pictures on the wall. Was this what Alice felt like in Wonderland? I fight through another paragraph, but it's hopeless. Fear wins. I put the laptop down. I'm just beating a dead horse and that's not very nice at all. Poor horse.
My nightmare's a reality.
Welcome to my life for the last few weeks. I had oral surgery to remove impacted wisdom teeth and I was sent home with a
list of drugs that killed the pain but brought
complications and dizzy spells. The ironic part - I was afraid I'd forget how to write. All
I'd think about were the "what if's"... What if the
meds messed with my brain and I lost all my wisdomy goodness? - WORSE! What if my stories disappeared?!Fear consumed me. I'm a bit dramatic, can you tell?
Has fear or overwhelming obstacles ever held you back?
Here's the lesson I'm reminded of, one I keep close at hand – especially at times like this. No matter what, write. Every day. Doesn't matter how horrible it looks, keep writing. As writers we want to be praised for our work and fear is like a constant companion sitting next to us pointing out how unoriginal we are or how cheesy our writing is. Who cares about fear. Write! I'm convinced it's the author who pushes past all the fears and walls of insecurity that actually produces the real gems. Look at Tolkien. It took him over ten years to finish Lord of the Rings. I read recently where someone claims it took him seventeen years! Who cares. The story has captured our heart and it's because Tolkien kept writing. Imagine if he'd put his pen aside after three years of writing... the world would never know of Middle Earth.
That, my dear friends, would be a tragedy. So again I say, write! No matter what. Write!
What about you? What valuable tools do you hold on to when fear or other obstacles come knocking?
Charis Joy Jackson is working as a missionary with Youth With a Mission (YWAM) a non-profit organization & is part of The Initiative Production Company. She loves creating stories & is currently writing a novel, which she hopes to create into a seven part series.
Here's to a life lived in awe & wonder.
Welcome to the adventure.
