In my latest release, Stone of the Sea, one of the characters thinks, "Waiting was all they seemed to do these days. Wait for food. Wait for to learn their fate. Wait for Baba to return and take back the realm.'
Sometimes being a writer can feel like that - waiting to finish a novel, waiting for feedback, waiting to hear back from agents and publishers, waiting to be published, waiting for sales, waiting for reviews, waiting for traction in the market, waiting for... it doesn't seem to end.
When I launched back into writing about six years ago, I thought getting published was the ultimate goal. After a while, it seemed like that goal would never happen. Others achieved it, but I didn't.
So I was over the moon with when a few of my poems and a short story was accepted for publication in 2014. Holding a published book with my story in it was a thrilling experience. Yet, I soon discovered that with each goal achieved, there are others that loom ahead and the waiting begins again - and with it the uncertainty and the feeling that the new horizon remains beyond reach and the voices of doubt and discouragement multiply. It can be frustrating and demoralising.
What I've learned along the way is that waiting is part of the journey. It's part of the way of things. But it doesn't last for ever.
Things Happen While We Wait
When I was seven, I decided to grow a pawpaw tree. Armed with a little knowledge and a great deal of enthusiasm, I separated out a single seed, found a gardening spade and marched out to the back garden. I dug a hole—probably about 30 cms deep—placed the seed at the bottom of the pit, flooded it with water from the hose, piled in the dirt, patted and shaped the resulting slurry until it was a hard concrete dome (drawing on my uber-mudcake making skills, but that's another story).
I congratulated myself and sat back and waited for the tree to sprout and grow.
Next day, I checked my tree-in-the making. The mound looked just as I left it. Maybe, little drier under the baking Mt Isa sun. I added some more water. The next day—nothing, just bare dirt. The following day—well, you guessed it, nothing.
Frustrated and worried, I grabbed the spade and dug up the seed to see if it was growing yet. Nope. I buried it again. Dug it up the following day.
Mum said, ‘Be patient, Jenny. Seeds take time to grow.’
My first venture into horticulture was, I confess, a huge failure, but it taught me something. That good things take time to grow. That patience is an important asset. And digging up seeds is not a great strategy.
Growing plants requires knowledge—what does the plant like in terms of soil, water, position, depth to plant the seed etc—and experience.
It also requires, active waiting. Passive or idle waiting is doing nothing and expecting something to grow. In active waiting, we plant, care for and tend the plant, but we don’t keep digging it up each day to see if it’s growing.
My first venture into horticulture was, I confess, a huge failure, but it taught me something. That good things take time to grow. That patience is an important asset. And digging up seeds is not a great strategy.
Growing plants requires knowledge—what does the plant like in terms of soil, water, position, depth to plant the seed etc—and experience.
It also requires, active waiting. Passive or idle waiting is doing nothing and expecting something to grow. In active waiting, we plant, care for and tend the plant, but we don’t keep digging it up each day to see if it’s growing.
Looking back now, I'm glad my novel wasn't published immediately. It gave me time to hone my craft, become aware of current styles, grow a nework. I'm still not very good at waiting, but I can appreciate it's necessity.
God's timing matters
Six years on, and I have many short stories and poems published. I've published three novellas in my Under the Mountain series, a collection of short stories and my first novel, Akrad's Children. I've seen sales and reviews, yet I'm still very much a small fish in this big pond.
I write because I love writing and I have so many stories waiting to be written. It's such a joy when others enjoy my stories as much as I do :)
I also write because I feel called to it and believe that God can speak through my writing, even though it is aimed at the general market.
I would love my writing to be sustainable - so I can continue to write and to publish. Sometimes that seems an impossible dream. This year I've been under some pressure to 'show results' and as the putative deadline looms, I've felt pressured and overwhelmed, trying to do everything with all the other roles, responsibilities and expectations. At the same time, sales took a dip, finding reviewers for my latest book met mostly deaf ears, and my campaign chest emptied. It seem an impossible task. Growth was slow or invisible.
In the midst of my frenzy- God has blessed me through the kindness of friends, through small encouragements (another great review, a fan asking about a sequel, an unexpected job, great sales and interactions at Supernova last weekend).
Most of all, He reminds me that He gives life, He gives the growth, He builds the house. I realised I was holding on too tight, that I needed to release my death grip on my dream, to give back to him the dream he ignited in me out of the ashes.
Once again, I'm learning to wait on Him and to trust him with the desires of my heart.
I don't know what the future holds, but I do know whose hand I'm holding as walk toward it. And that is all I need.
*****
Jeanette started spinning tales in the world of Nardva at the age of eight or nine. She enjoys writing secondary world fiction, poetry, blogging and editing.Her Nardvan stories span continents, time and cultures. They involve a mixture of courtly intrigue, adventure, romance and/or shapeshifters and magic users.
She has published numerous short stories, poems, two novellas and her debut novel, Akrad's Children and Ruhanna's Flight and other stories.
Her latest release, Stone of the Sea (the third novella) is now available. .
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