It seemed simple at the time. A quick signature and, unlike that picture, I was committed.
The manuscript must be with the publisher by 1 April.
Though The Bud Be Bruised will be published next year.
But within an hour, reality slammed into my thinking. Everyone will be able to read it!
Isn't that what I've wanted? Didn't I write and rewrite, edit, check and edit again so that people would read it? Haven't I always wanted it to be a book people want to share?
But what if they don't like it? What if they reject my best efforts?
But besides that, this book contains me. It is more than a fiction; it is a faction. It tells my story, masked by different characters, locations and conversations, but still my story.
Why would I do such a thing?
Why make myself so vulnerable?
What if my friends take offence?
What if they think I've misrepresented them, even if I haven't included them? What if they feel rejected if they can't find themselves on the pages?
I wonder - did Jesus have any second thoughts after He stood in the temple and read from Isaiah sixty-one. From that day on He was misunderstood and persecuted, talked about and judged.
Will I be misunderstood?
In the last few months, I've met several friends who were part of my life in the era of the book. As we've chatted, it has become obvious they aren't acquainted with the circumstances. They don't know of the deep grief and trauma we have suffered. Why? Because some events are not talked about. For those people, this book will be a shocking read.
Please, Lord? What have I done?
The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:5)
God's light has shone in our lives. Sometimes it seemed weaker than a single birthday-cake candle. But never was it snuffed out.
Now it is time to turn up the light, to shine the torchlight of the power of God into the dark places. It's time for light and truth to overcome darkness.
My excitement returns. Everyone who takes the time to read my book will know what my God has done. I can share the amazing lessons I learned in the deep dark places, to shine the light for others, to help them avoid pitfalls.
And if am misunderstood, rejected and laughed at, so be it. For every person that rejects my story, others will know God a little better, walk a little closer to Him. That is enough for me.
Confessions of Jo Wanmer, a soon to be published writer!
I wonder - Am I the only one who gets cold feet?
www.jo-wanmer.blogspot.com
